- Looking back at the last twelve months
Year 2017 is about to give way to 2018, and it’s time to record for posterity some of its more memorable happenings and personalities. It’s a testimony to the eventfulness of the year that things such as the advent of T-10 cricket, the role of Farooq Sattar’s mother, the proclaimed offender who was also the finance minister, the Faryal-Amir breakup/patch-up – some of which have potential to change future history – have been deemed to merit no more than an honourable mention.
Pakistani Aristotle. Ahsan Iqbal is a true visionary – he sees visions (probably hears voices as well). He is one of those men who are always ahead of their time, and don’t have a clue when it comes to the time they actually find themselves in. Merely four months into his stint as the interior minister, it became abundantly clear that he should stick to Vision 2050 or something similar that doesn’t require him to do a thing. But he needs to be cut some slack too. For all his weaknesses he has achieved the impossible by making many people think of Chaudhry Nisar fondly. Make no mistake: Nisar was a crashing bore too. But with statements such as ‘Potohar ki mitti mein wafa hai’ (There’s loyalty in the Potohar soil) he occasionally startled people into wondering what he inhaled.
The ‘trustworthy-gora’ bookie. The evidence in the Nasir Jamshed-Khalid Latif spot-fixing case included some recordings of phone conversations between the two, which are enlightening to say the least. The voice apparently belonging to Jamshed, is trying to put an apprehensive Latif’s doubts about the safety of the ‘operation’ to rest. The ultimate argument employed is this: While the front man may be a desi, the real person behind the whole thing is a gora, so the ‘payments’ and the discretion of the whole deal is virtually guaranteed. While one always knew there were ethics in crime, if there is a bigger tribute to the criminals of white skin, this scribe is unaware of it.
WannaCry? Not us! In May, the WannaCry ransomware hit hundreds of thousands of computers in over 150 countries including UK’s NHS, Spain’s Telefónica, FedEx and Deutsche Bahn along with many other companies worldwide. Computers with older versions of Windows were the worst to get infected. The damage in Pakistan was minimal because unlike some of the more advanced countries hardly anybody uses Windows 7 or Windows XP here. Your average Pakistani may compromise on a number of issues, but being technologically updated (PCs and mobile phones only) is not one of them.
While one always knew there were ethics in crime, if there is a bigger tribute to the criminals of white skin, this scribe is unaware of it
Limitations of poetry. An embarrassing situation was created at the ‘Champions for Climate Action’ event in Bonn when Federal Minister for Climate Change Mushahidullah Khan insisted on delivering a written speech when the ministers were expected to spontaneously answer questions put forward by the moderator. Mushahid, who is well-versed in Urdu poetry, ended up giving a written speech. It’s a pity that our poets never addressed climate change in their poetry. If they had, Mushahid would have performed like a true champion at the event.
PM of hearts. While ‘Mujhe kioon nikaala?’ hogged all the limelight, Nawaz Sharif asked another question this year that went comparatively unnoticed despite being no less thought-provoking: ‘If my income doesn’t justify my assets, to tumhein kya (how does that concern you)?’ How indeed? (The ‘you’ apparently includes everybody.) On another occasion Sharif claimed that till as recently as ten years ago there was no difference between his voice and that of Muhammad Rafi. It’s obvious then that one out of the world of politics and music was destined to lose out on his genius. And either way the public was going to be the biggest loser, as indeed it turned out to be. This year also saw the release of Daastaan-e-Hayaat (another Sharif biography) that broke the previous record for sycophancy, a record created last year.
Pakistani-Cheeni bhai-behen. The national carrier came under fire when a Chinese young lady emerged from the captain’s cockpit after flight PK-853 landed in Beijing. She had reportedly stayed in the cabin area for about two hours, and was also alone for a while with the captain. The airline first claimed that a single passenger in cockpit at the pilot’s invitation didn’t pose a security threat, but later investigations were initiated. There have been all sorts of scandalous insinuations, whereas the captain may merely have innocently been doing his bit for the success of CPEC, and further deepening of the brotherly/sisterly relations between the countries.
Bat drop. The enduring image of PSL 2017 was Grant Elliott’s bat drop after hitting a winning six off Muhammad Sami to take his side over the line with just one wicket to spare. ‘What’s the big deal about the bat drop? I’ve been dropping balls for years!’ Kamran Akmal – himself a part of PSL – could very conceivably be saying to himself.
Rustam Putin. The Punjab government was put in an awkward position in March as authorities put up faulty banners across the city to welcome Tatarstan’s president on his visit to Pakistan. The banners carried the picture of Russian President Vladimir Putin instead of Rustam Minnikhanov, which were removed after the local administration was subjected to humiliation on the social media. In the authorities’ defense however, if you take Rustam’s glasses off, make him thinner and a foot taller, and then squint a little while looking sideways, there is some resemblance with Vladimir.
Women empowerment, Pakistani style. The JI conference in March on women empowerment was a sparkling success, albeit with a minor qualification: The women empowerment was achieved with no woman in sight (at least not in the photograph that made the event famous). No wonder one man was compelled to share the photo on the social media with the caption: ‘Meanwhile women in beards are getting empowered in Pakistan. Checkmate!’
Wifi wifi everywhere. This year SECMC inaugurated its free Wi-Fi project for villages in Tharparkar. Still not a drop to drink – of drinkable water at any rate. Hunger, poverty and lack of healthcare infrastructure in Sindh afforded abundant evidence for Bhutto being alive this year as well.
Donald ‘Abdullah’ Trump. Saudi cleric Saad bin Ghoniem, after declaring Trump as Allah’s servant, prayed to Allah to guide Trump on the right path and work for best interest of Muslims. It is debatable whether prayers are effective when it comes to realpolitik and international relations. The evidence so far is not promising: Trump has just recognised Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and has ordered the US embassy to move there.
The brave one. Senior journalist Salman Ghani, during the Panama hearings, famously opined that Maryam Safdar was not one to be afraid of anybody (this was probably supposed to put the fear of God into her enemies). One can’t help agreeing with the analysis, however. Had she been one with inhibitions of any kind, Nawaz Sharif would probably still be in the prime minister’s house.