Left Middle East after Salman-Katrina’s Swag Se Swagat, confesses ISIS

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BAGHDAD – Iraq Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi told a conference in Baghdad that Iraqi troops were now in complete control of the Iraqi-Syrian border, thanks in almost entirety to the team of the upcoming Bollywood movie Tiger Zinda Hai.

Al-Abadi’s statement came a few days after ISIS’ social media team had confessed that they were finally compelled to leave the Middle East after Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif shot the song Swag Se Swagat, all the while rescuing Indian nurses from the terrorist group’s hands, for Tiger Zinda Hai.

“That’s when we realised that Swag Se Swagat and the Islamist State of Iraq and Syria cannot coexist, and both radical groups would have to have their own separate spheres of influence,” an ISIS social media manager told The Dependent.

However, ISIS’ digital officials were quick to point out that the song itself was ‘whacky’.

“Especially when you watch the video. Katrina’s dancing is mind-blowing, although Salman could’ve perhaps done a bit better,” another ISIS executive said.

“But the very idea that we [ISIS] were to be countered by those very people involved in the video – albeit well-choreographed – was sufficient for us to realise how much we’ve fallen.”

Middle East analysts say the ISIS announcement vis-à-vis Swag Se Swagat puts the terrorist group’s future course of action under jeopardy.

“They were going to relocate to the AfPak region, but that might be too close to Bollywood for ISIS’ comfort,” said the chief analyst of a Washington-based think tank on South Asia and Middle East.