Seven signs you’ve let your patriotism run rampant

Find out if you need to ratchet down your ‘patriotism’ a notch or two

Like religious bias and ethnic pride, patriotism often makes people believe things they never would otherwise. At one time or another, we have all let our patriotism get the better of us in this way, and it’s a brave man who claims otherwise. That said, it’s always advisable to come back to sanity-land as soon as one can, for giving in to delusions of any sort is never a good policy in the long run, however soothing it may temporarily be. It should be noted that delusions are never trivial, because thinking rationally is a habit and having silly beliefs, even on ‘harmless’ issues – though not a cognizable offence – affects the way one thinks about the more important matters.

In what follows are seven telltale symptoms of patriotism gone wild. Having one or two of these is normal. If you have three or four, it’s a cause for concern followed by introspection, travel or at the very least reading about other people and other parts of the world. The author has also included rational reasons to help the sufferer get rid of each delusion. If you have five or more of the following, you should probably seek professional help.

1. You think that Pakistani cuisine is the last word in food. This sentiment is extremely common among expats and is expressed with amazing frequency at their get-togethers. While the author loves Pakistani food as much as the next man does, the fact is that Pakistani food is amazingly one-dimensional and devoid of variety or innovation. Take Japanese food, for example, which has much more variety, both indigenous and that imported or indigenized. As compared to that – and presumably to cuisines of many other nations – ours is markedly undeveloped and unsophisticated.

2. You believe Rahat Fateh Ali Khan is the last word in playback singing. I have nothing against you if you genuinely believe so. In fact, you can go farther and declare Munni Begum as the queen of music, and I will merely sympathize with you over your aesthetic training (or lack thereof). But if you ‘believe’ RFAK to be supreme because it makes you feel good as a Pakistani, well then you obviously need to tune down your patriotism a bit. This condition often finds expression in these immortal words: ‘A country of more than a billion people (India) can’t produce one RFAK.’ Similar, even if slightly toned down, sentiments can frequently be heard about the looks of Fawad Khan, beauty of Mahira Khan, musicality of Atif Aslam, and all-round abilities of Ali Zafar.

3. You are convinced that Pakistani youth is more talented than its counterparts in other parts of the world. One often hears people repeating this, and longing for a ‘system’ that treasures and nurtures all that talent. While there’s no denying the fact that every individual is talented in one or more ways, if there has been a study concluding that Pakistanis possess more of it than the rest of the world, this author is unaware of it.

4. You believe Pakistan to be a God-given country, which God will protect as well. You think there’s a special reason for its existence. Well, there’s a reason for everything and nothing – depending on how one defines the word ‘reason’ – and Pakistan is no exception. Also, it’s a very poor concept of a deity that protects or chooses not to protect an entity based on its identity rather than how it behaves.

5. You believe that our armed forces and our premiere intelligence agency are unrivalled. Well, our soldiers and spies are all right – perhaps in a better shape than the rest of the country, which hardly amounts to saying much – but all those reports and videos claiming that they are world #1 in their respective categories have but one source, which happens to be bogus.

6. You celebrate Coke Studio as proof of the musical treasure in Pakistan. Sometimes this celebration manifests itself in the statement that our Coke Studio is better than India’s, triggering a jubilant cheer all around. Well, there’s something singularly cynical and opportunistic in rehashing old hits and folk tunes (Taajdaar e haram, Laila o Laila, Yaar daadhi ishq, Dasht e tanhai, etc.) for instant popularity. Every new tune is a risk, which the musician takes as an unavoidable part of creativity. Coke Studio bypasses that by cannibalizing work that has already passed the test of public approval, thanks to somebody else’s efforts. There’s nothing heroic or noble in re-singing such songs, merely adding ‘modern’ orchestra, chorus, and occasionally a pretty face. The Indian music industry is too big to be affected by a Coke Studio or two, but Pakistan has no such luxury, where it is reinforcing the trend of general unwillingness to take the risks inherent in new compositions.

7. You are convinced that Pakistanis are the most charitable nation in the world. The figures that the author was able to lay his hands on place Pakistan anywhere between a lowly #61 to #93 in the world in this category. For the sake of argument however, even if Pakistanis are the most charitable, is it something to be so proud of? Is there is anything that reveals the institutional failure of a nation more than the boast that it relies so heavily on private charity?