Lahore

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A short introduction to the great metropolis

 

Lahoris are as free of racial or ethnic prejudice as any peoples can be reasonably expected to be. Perhaps they don’t need to be petty-minded considering the political clout enjoyed by Punjab in general and Lahore in particular.”

Legend has it that Lahore was originally named Lohpura or Lavapura after the son of Rama. Those who have a lot of time on their hands and who have a soft spot for the Arabic tongue contend that Lahore is a combination of the Arabic La (no) and Punjabi hore (other), which roughly translates to ‘the one and only’. This reasoning, of course, is rather charming nonsense; but there’s a lot of susbstance in the conclusion. There is indeed only one Lahore, and Thank God for that, for all authorities are agreed that one Lahore is more than sufficient for the purposes of a whole continent, let alone a country. Sometimes Lahore is called the Heart of Pakistan, which isn’t much of a praise, considering that Afghanistan is sometimes referred to as the Heart of Asia.

Lahoris are as free of racial or ethnic prejudice as any peoples can be reasonably expected to be. Perhaps they don’t need to be petty-minded considering the political clout enjoyed by Punjab in general and Lahore in particular. As far as the ordinary Lahori is concerned, there appears to be something in the cosmopolitan and liberal air of the city that elevates one above any ethnic and racial considerations.

Lahore has always been the cultural and literary capital of Pakistan. The list of eminent Pakistanis it has been home to is too long to include here. Just think of any major poet, singer, sportsman, musician or writer, and the chances are that he was either a Lahori by birth, or chose at some point or the other to live in Lahore. There’s much merit in the statement that if Lahore recognises one’s gift, the whole country follows suit.

The Lahore summers are excruciatingly hot and its winters are unbearably cold. Many brilliant brains have spent countless hours trying in vain to unearth the reasons why the first settlers chose this as the site of their new settlement. The rainy season is somewhat bearable but then one needs a boat to move around (and this is no fault of the first settlers). Throw in the power-outages, traffic jams and the sheer number of Lahoris, and Lahore can be pretty unlivable. It’s a testament to the courage and resilience of the Lahoris that they not only survive but manage to increase their population at a very robust rate.

Lahore used to be a city of gardens once. Now it is the city of underpasses. The uninitiated (sometimes even the initiated) needs to be careful, for many a hapless driver has suddenly found himself at Wagah on account of not making the correct exit.

Lahore started on the banks of Ravi, a river that is now usually dry 355 days a year. But to compensate for that, many land areas are usually submerged after each rain. So while we may not have been successful in making Lahore the Paris of Pakistan, or the Istanbul of Pakistan for that matter, Lahore already does a very mean imitation of Venice, especially in the rainy season.

Lahore is an ever-evolving city. There’s the New Lahore and the Old Lahore. Every time you visit, the new Lahore is not new anymore: it has become the old New Lahore, and there’s now a new New Lahore. While traveling to Lahore you know you have entered the great city when you see a flash which you later realise was a motorbike overtaking you from the wrong side. Punjab boasts of 60% of the population of Pakistan, and while in Lahore it feels that 60% of the population of Punjab lives in Lahore alone (the actual figure is of course much less). Lahore has grown in a very unplanned and unreasonable manner. The result is that the Lahore Ring Road is not nearly in the shape of a ring despite the best efforts of Lahore’s very able administrators.

Lahoris are famous for their kind-heartedness. They would never say no to anything you ask them for. Of course, they don’t have the slightest intention of honoring the promise, but that is another matter altogether. Lahori men are extremely kind-hearted towards their wives as well. Contrary to the perception of man-eater-grade husbands, Lahore arguably has more devoted husbands per capita than any other city this side of Bosporus. When somebody you had an appointment with one hour ago tells you on the phone that he is at Thokar and will reach in fifteen, chances are that he is still in his home at Bahria, and wants to make your subsequent wait more pleasant.

Unlike the rest of Pakistan where any time is tea-time, in Lahore any time is either breakfast time, lunch time, or dinner time. Lahoris love vegetables, chicken and fish but love meat more. In meat, the preference is ‘small’ meat (mutton) followed by ‘big’ meat (beaf) followed by ‘medium’ meat (donkey). Lahoris live to eat, and they are not ashamed of it.

Lollywood owes its L to Lahore, of course. It may currently be defunct, but it was fun while it lasted. Many people, including this author, still secretly indulge in their guilty pleasures by watching old Lollywood stuff.

Lahori girls are pretty, confident and very attractive. With the exception of Karachi, ladies from around Pakistan have traditionally looked towards the Lahori girl for the latest in fashion and charm, no little thanks to the Lahori tailor. For all his admirable qualities however, the Lahori boy (unless he is the above-mentioned tailor) enjoys no particular leadership role among the boys of the nation.

Lahore has an international border, a dry-port, Pakistan’s first Metro-Bus service, an international airport, and more auto-Rickshaws than one cares to count. It will soon have an Orange Line Train as well.  Lahore, then, has everything that a great city can boast of, with the notable exception of a sea-port. Negotiations are currently underway to declare Gwadar as part of Lahore.

‘Lahore Lahore hai’ is perhaps the third most telling tautology after ‘Boys will be boys’ and ‘Business is business’. The word ‘Lahore’ happens to be arguably the most difficult word to pronounce correctly, in Punjabi as well as in Urdu.

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