The Khyber Pakhtunkhwa government has vowed on Saturday to plant one billion kicks on the posteriors of young doctors throughout the province.
In a massive campaign, which will initially draw planters from the police department, young doctors’ backsides will be planted with firm, violent kicks.
“Keep in mind, that this campaign shall not be restricted to any choice district, but will be spread across the province,” said Shahram Tarakai, KP health minister. “Across all 25 districts.”
The minister was speaking at a seminar called “One Billion Tsunami: Actually Achieving That Number This Time.”
“And I would also like to point out to the experts that special care is going to be taken in selecting the sort of kicks to be applied,” he continued. “We will ensure that the kick lands in a receptive environment. A light-graze kick, for instance, for those young doctors for whom just that would be enough. A flesh-on-foot kick for those requiring more to be convinced. And out and out “screamer” kicks for those posteriors that belong to young doctors who insist on continuing their strike.”
KP government insiders say that though initially the policy is going to be involved in the plantation drive, but local communities will also be engaged to participate in the process, as is the norm in societies heading towards fascism.