My beloved boycott-istan

0
218

Eureka now that we’ve discovered a panacea, soon we’ll be out of every pickle

 

I can sense another social movement in the air, can even hear its rallying cry, We Blight What We Don’t like. A rather apt slogan for them simpletons who knows not how world rolls. On a tad bit serious note, the recent boycott was called ‘Palliative not corrective’ in an editorial. In plain words, it’ll provide short term relief, not long-term salvation

 

We, the wretched of the earth, have been delivered. Now, at last, after decades of tunneling, we’ve found our nirvana. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, all hail our newfound one-size fits-all solution, Mr Boycott. A centuries old practice that has recently produced results in our crusade against shameless profiteers i.e. fruit suppliers and vendors. Now, we’ll be out of every baffling quandary, every sleazy mush, every rotten pickle, both easily and ingeniously.

Finally, we now know what to do and how to do it when things don’t go our way. As from now on, whenever we don’t like the way mighty powers make our numbered day on earth miserable, and know that there are others who share the same alienation, we’ll summon a boycott. From now on whenever we feel sick and tired of changing ourselves while the world does not budge an inch, well, a boycott would suffice to end our weariness. Thank heavens, some ancient practice from the history is back. And he will save ourselves from the clutches that gnaw at both our soul and wallet.

Dearest sirs and ma’ams, we’ve cast a new way to live carefree, abundant lives; them profiteers are free to do whatever pleases them, however, we’ll resort to all the tricks and tomfoolery ranging from three days fruit boycott to six days vegetable boycott to fortnightly boycott of mutton, chicken and beef and lastly will boycott any further call to boycott. That is where it is headed, that is where it’ll lead.

I can sense another social movement in the air, can even hear its rallying cry, We Blight What We Don’t like. A rather apt slogan for them simpletons who knows not how world rolls. On a tad bit serious note, the recent boycott was called ‘Palliative not corrective’ in an editorial. In plain words, it’ll provide short term relief, not long-term salvation.

A gentle reminder, my amigos, if you do a thing and keep on doing it, over and over again, sooner, it’ll lose its power to startle and attract. And dare not forget that the root cause remains intact, which is the lack of stringent regulation and failure on part of consumers to protect their interest.

During the fruit boycott prices indeed came down, sales did crash, fruit vendors were taught a lesson that a new era is just around the corner. So they better wake the hell up. Strange, but effective. Now folks can have their bananas, mangoes, apples, oranges, watermelons, apricots, peaches, kiwis, dates and other fruits (at cheaper rates) and eat them too. Don’t know same applies to them having their cake and eating it as well.

Now, the big question is what (or rather who) will be next? Everyone has a favourite. Some say how about evil, cunning Telcos, ehh? Who rob us call in, message out with taxes we don’t even know exist.

Some say let us boycott private schools, initially don’t send our kids for three days, then a week, then a month and, if things don’t change, we’ll, then a whole session will do the trick.

The idea seems impeccable and splendid, but have they figured out some minor glitches like; who’ll endure the kids at home without homework, without lessons to revise, without a care in the world?

Now, the conviction among people en masse is that a five day boycott can bring all hollow goliaths down to their knees.

While the great unwashed was busy cutting fruit sellers and suppliers to size through boycott, the ruling party PML-N is ruminating to use the same technique to shirk away from increasingly hostile Joint Investigation Team that plans to dig all the extra miles to connect the many elusive dots. May be in next few days one of the top twitter land will be something like #Boycott JIT

While the great unwashed was busy cutting fruit sellers and suppliers to size through boycott, the ruling party PML-N is ruminating to use the same technique to shirk away from increasingly hostile Joint Investigation Team that plans to dig all the extra miles to connect the many elusive dots. May be in next few days one of the top twitter land will be something like #Boycott JIT.

Dare I remind, dearest sirs and ma’ams, what is challenged and on trial is not a family or its members. For the first time in this country a dictum — if I can get away with it. I never did it in the first place — that forms our collective conscious is in the dock.

Reaching the fag end of this column, about time to indulge in a little bit of pontification. Dearest sirs and ma’ams, there are no morals to be drawn from our situation. No lessons to be learnt from our ordeal or the crafty schemes we conjure up to counter them.

The truth is we are a nation of more than 200 million souls, drifting atop a sea of uncertainty, trying our level best to hide the factions and abysses through dissimulation, of which the latest one to arrive in town is the boycott frenzy. We have had false dawns before where an individual, different movements and even institutions promised to end all the misery and wretchedness. But failed and recoiled. This time around two cheers for Boycott-istan and it’s Boycott-iyas.