Public attitudes towards cricket

Which one describes you best?

The Champions Trophy is in progress, and as usual the public attitudes towards the mega-event run the gamut from indifference to intense passion. When it comes to cricket in general, one can count many types of attitudes on the part of the public. In the following I list categories that accompany these attitudes. These categories are by no means static: people tend to evolve from one to another. Barring people who are typically blissfully unaware of a given tournament currently being played – and wouldn’t know what to think of it even if they were aware – these are the eleven categories, in no particular order:

1. The cricket-lover appreciates the display of cricketing skills no matter where it comes from. As long as the bat comes down at the correct angle and the batsman doesn’t fall over, for example, he doesn’t care if his team wins or loses. He usually exists in fairy tales but rarely does one come across a genuine cricket-lover in flesh-and-blood.
2. The puritan believes cricket to be haram since it involves imitating the infidels (it is haramer still, if your country keeps losing all the time). As far as the puritan is concerned, the gentlemen can take their gentlemanly sport back where it came from, thank-you-very-much. And the gentlemen can follow suit.
3. The schoolmarm denounces cricket as it’s a wastage of time. The schoolmarm is fond of telling the apocryphal and rather silly story of Hitler killing all cricketers on account of the game being too long and pointless. The schoolmarm is a great one for utilisation of time but it is not at all easy to know exactly what to do with all the time saved by not following cricket.
4. The philosopher is perturbed by nothing: not the team’s losses, and not the team’s wins for that matter. He takes everything in his stride, and being a philosopher knows that in the overall scheme of things most things don’t matter. Most married men belong to this category.
5. The perennial quitter ‘divorces’ cricket every three months or so, which usually coincides with a high-profile thumping at the hands of the arch-rival. This divorce is messy in proportion to the proximity of exams or any other approaching deadline. He then wishes that Hitler had in fact killed all cricketers. Come the next match however, he is again seen glued to the TV screen, ready for a fresh cycle. In the event of a win however, it’s harder to find a more ecstatic man.
6. The actor has no clue about the game: he doesn’t even know his gully from his short-leg, but somehow feels he can’t admit to the fact. He goes with the flow: he learns to repeat the analyses of real cricket fans around him. With time and experience he grows bolder: in 2000, I heard one air-steward delivering a comprehensive lecture, to a group of spellbound flyers, on the influence of Saeed Anwar’s beard on his balance as a batsman.
7. The eternal pessimist always expects his team to lose. As far as teams like Pakistan are concerned, this pessimism appears to be the new realism. He derives no pleasure from repeatedly being proved right: being an eternal pessimist he makes it a point not to enjoy anything.
8. The joker has a penchant for dark humor. Situations that can drive others crazy can leave him in stitches of laughter. The difference between him and the eternal pessimist is that the joker has the capacity to enjoy his side’s defeats if something rouses his keen sense of humor. This is not to say that he minds his side’s winning either. Consider a team losing a match as batsman after batsman perishes trying to hit the ball out of the park when all that’s needed is 2 off 7 balls. When others would be holding their heads in mixed feelings of disgust and disbelief, the joker will be found on the floor laughing his head off.
9. The Punter Babu: His interest in cricket is limited to the betting odds and the amounts of money earned and the levels of adrenaline raised. He is above all nationalistic, ethnic, and racial considerations.
10. The closet supporter: He is a secret follower who never owns up to watching any match, or otherwise sounding excited about cricket. In the event of a loss he can avoid being thought a fool by claiming not to have wasted his time. The flip side is that he cannot openly celebrate victories either.
11. The patriot: He is a perennial optimist, and his quite unjustified optimism can only be explained by patriotism He sincerely believes that his team is going to win all tournaments and is disappointed every time. He makes sure, however, never to temper his enthusiasm for the team’s next assignment. The slogan Tum jeeto ya haaro, hamein tum se pyar hai may be of a recent vintage but the attitude is an old one. The patriot handles the inevitable early losses in the most positive of manners: the best part of his mental energies are spent in calculations regarding which team needs to beat which one for his team to reach the semi-finals. He handles the later losses by focusing on upcoming tours.

So which one of the above describes you best?