Panamagate: PM finally demands trial by combat

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ISLAMABAD – Upon advice by his legal team, the Prime Minister on Saturday has requested the Supreme Court for a trial-by-combat, as is the law for the Seven Kingdoms.

“It was a decision that he took in the throes of desperation,” said Grand Maester Akram Sheikh, his legal counsel. “Though the custom is such that you cannot have a trial by judgment and then opt, midway, for a trial by combat, but there is a precedent for this to happen and the prime minister is availing it.”

Though, in his capacity as head of government and binding advisor to the commander-in-chief of the armed forces, the prime minister has decided not to choose a champion from anyone from within the armed forces but has opted for Shakeel “Mauser” Butt, an operative in the Lahore underworld from within the walled city.

As per insider reports, the Republic’s has also finalised upon its champion, Zia “Rocket” Afridi, who is going to make the day trip to Islamabad for this very purpose.

Official rate for the tickets to the trial, which is to take place at D-Chowk, Constitutional Avenue, Islamabad, have been set at Rs 25,000 but it is expected to jump much higher due to the black market and scalpers.

Analysts have responded positively to the suggestion. “Not only will it free up the court’s time, it is also going to provide for some entertainment for the public,” said Barrister Hassan Barki, an advocate at the Supreme Court.