Karachi for dummies

A short intro

Karachi (originally Kolachi, pronounced ‘Kirachi’ by many locals) is a former capital of Pakistan. Nobody knows the current population of Karachi, which could be anything from 15 to 25 million (according to the last census in 1998 it was 9.4 million). What’s undisputed is that it is by far the biggest metropolis of Pakistan. Once called the ‘Paris of the East’ and the ‘City of Lights’, it now leads the nation in mugging incidents and overall violence per capita. In fact it is the only city in Pakistan where conscientious university teachers make it a point in their introductory classes to teach students from out of town the etiquettes of getting robbed.

Karachi is the financial hub of Pakistan – according to one estimate, more than 60% of the country’s revenue is generated on the I. I. Chundrigar Road alone, which houses head offices of all major commercial enterprises of the country. Karachi also boasts Pakistan’s only really functional port. This is something that the likes of Lahore – with all its resources and political clout – can do very little about.

Some of the names of Karachi localities are misleading: Goli Maar, Bewah Colony, Mukka Chowk, Khamosh Colony, and Pathar Town, for example, may give you an impression that they would be among the more violent areas of the city. Nothing could be farther from the truth, for the list of dangerous places not to be frequented alone and after dark, comprises the whole of Karachi – with the possible exception of the appropriately named Defence.  Karachi-ites are easily among the bravest people of the country – their resilience in the face of target killing, bhatta and china cutting is simply mind-boggling.

Karachi is a politically vibrant city. There are many political parties: the PSP, MQM Haqiqi, MQM ghair-Haqiqi, MQM Karachi, MQM London, MQM Rwanda, etc. Political administration of the city alternates between the commissioner system, the local bodies system, and Governor’s rule. Curiously enough, in all three there is heavy presence of Rangers and other paramilitary organizations.

Karachi has a moderate climate. This is fortunate because the citizens deem temperatures below 20 degrees (Celsius) to be freezing. As for the summers, notwithstanding the current lull in criminal activities, there has traditionally been so much holding up at gunpoint that were it not for the fortunate combination of a moderate clime and modest dressing habits of Karachi-ites, at least half the population would have severely suntanned armpits.

Nobody does weddings quite like the Karachi-walas. A ceremony can easily go on till 4 am. Therefore arriving on time for a function scheduled for 7 pm (which is merely foolish in say, Islamabad) is criminal in Karachi. Even at 10 pm nobody is likely to be there except a few waiters and a cat. Also, the wedding typically lasts a week – an event that seems to be thoroughly enjoyed even by those on the periphery – “Begaani shaadi mein Abdullah deewana” was probably originally coined for Karachi.

Some people believe that some Karachi-ites have a condescending attitude, though the same can be said of other cities of Pakistan. It is alleged that they think of Punjabis as generally uncivilised; while they think of themselves as an especially cultured lot. The first assessment is completely justified; perhaps not so much the second one.

Karachi owes its hustle and bustle to a number of migrations from different parts of the subcontinent. In the context of Karachi however, one’s offspring qualifies as muhajir-for-life only if one migrated from Urdu speaking parts of India. Perhaps for this reason the ‘muhajirs’ are sometimes also called Hindustani – although it all happened a long time ago. Karachi, to its infinite credit, has more Siddiquis, Alvis, Mansooris, Haqqanis, etc (all surnames ending with the “i” syllable) per square foot than any other part of the world.

In Karachi, a bride remains a dulhan, and a groom a dulha, for an unusually long time. Many a veteran husband visiting Karachi has experienced the pleasant surprise of being referred to as dulha mian – something that hasn’t happened in years. Some, who are nostalgic for the exciting feeling but who lack the wherewithal to go for a whole new wedding, even visit Karachi in that hope.

There’s a very strong bhai culture in Karachi, which includes but is definitely not confined to the “don bhais”. Most everybody is a bhai, provided he is a male and is even a year senior. Thus you have Altaf bhai (Altaf Hussain), Moin bhai (Moin Khan), and Maqsood bhai (the PC trouble-shooter). So much so that in Punjab the Karachi-wallas are sometimes called bhayyas. A university senior is a bhai; the neighbour’s son is a bhai; the cousin is definitely a bhai. Sometimes this causes problems for girls – if the hubby comes from any such demographic, it initially takes a special effort to hold back the suffix when calling his sweet name.

The list of famous sons and daughters of Karachi is too long to include here. No little thanks to the efforts of the ladies, Karachi is the only place where the saari is still patronised, albeit on special occasions. Karachi girls are enlightened, confident, educated, capable, and well-aware of their rights. The result is that, while in other parts of Pakistan it may take a few days for the husband to know his place at home, Karachi’s men are perfect husbands from day one.

Karachi is the home of the Karachi Kings who, though they have never exactly set the cricketing world on fire, are – as the name suggests – the undisputed kings of Karachi.

Although not usually heard, ‘Karachi Karachi hai’ is every bit as accurate as the famous tautology, ‘Lahore Lahore hai’.

Barring one or two Gillani tribes in KPK, Karachi-ites are the only Pakistanis that can successfully execute the Urdu qaaf.