Millions surprised to find celebrities still dying in 2017


    Panic set across the world when it became apparent that celebrities will continue dying way past the globally agreed deadline for such travesties of Dec 31st, 2016.

    The death of beloved Indian actor Om Puri set about a pandemonium of panic, with many pundits calling for the cordoning off of any and all individuals that are even marginally famous.

    Experts have not yet been able to give a unifying cause for why the last year resulted in so many celebrity deaths. Some deaths they were attributing to cardiovascular diseases, some to liver conditions, some to traffic or air-travel fatalities, but no single explanation.

    “This is getting serious. In 2016, I had started the hashtag of neveragain,” said citizen and social media enthusiast Ahsen Bajwa. “But we are still not seeing the end of it.”

    “These were misguided efforts, as they were directed at ensuring the end of 2016, in which we were successful. The real cause lies somewhere else.”

    Till the filing of this report, the government has placed under protective custody Anwar and Bilal Maqsood, both the Talat Hussains, Hamid Mir, Atif Aslam and the puppeteer who moved Uncle Sargam’s sidekick Rola.