DIY column-writing

For the benefit of aspiring and ‘junior’ columnists

A column is broadly defined as a recurring article in a newspaper or magazine. The column allows its writer plenty of freedom to express his opinions, usually on a subject of his own choosing. Roughly speaking then, the column is like an essay, albeit a short one – probably the reason why it is sometimes charmingly referred to in journalistic circles as a ‘piece’.

The column has gone through a long, slow process of evolution, followed by a somewhat rapid transformation owing to its coexistence on the internet with blogs and the like. The result is that the column is now an even more flexible thing than it formerly was. That said, generally, it still has a lead or an introduction, a main body, and a conclusion (in the same order) – the first and the last usually consist of no more than a paragraph. Some eminent columnists start with the conclusion and end with intro, but beginners are well-advised to leave that sort of thing to pros.

To write a column you usually need a subject to write about. There’ll be a time when you will be able to write without having to think of a subject (or for that matter anything to say), but that is still a long way away. The task of continuously finding topics to write on is perhaps the greatest challenge for the columnist, especially with the sword of the deadline dangling ever so menacingly. It therefore helps to broadly know the different types of column, so that the columnist can pick one when constrained for time.

One option is to write a book-review. Don’t be alarmed if reading a book is not your idea of fun (you are not alone). Of course one doesn’t need to read a book to review it. After sufficient practice, one can write great reviews after casually scanning a few pages, and reading the flaps. Book-reviews are especially recommended to those columnists who want to make a difference: reading your review will obviate the need, on the part of the reader, to read the book – just think of the man-hours you manage to save this way. Such columns also work wonders for the academic reputation of the columnist: because most folks can’t read through a book to save their lives, they absolutely revere those who can, or who they think can.

Despite being done to death in Urdu newspapers, there’s great scope for the English ‘travelogue’ column. Chronicle your exploits (sightseeing, get-togethers, etc) in the last city you visited. If it’s another country, you can even write a series of columns. Just make sure you mention the names of your hosts, so that they are encouraged to make your next trip even more comfortable and, if possible, lucrative.

Another viable option is offered by the ‘summary’ column. Just pick a topical issue and sum up all its developments to that date (make sure this takes most of the space allocated to you). Now end your column with lines such as these: ‘The battle lines have been drawn. It will be interesting to see how it pans out further.’ (Let your readers do the subsequent seeing). ‘Only time will tell which side is going to carry the day.’ (Let your readers be told by time). By never taking any sides, you will never be proved wrong. This column is not at all bad for your reputation as a ‘neutral’ writer.

If you are brash enough to attempt the ‘moral-of-the-story’ column, which is being written by the great Javed Chaudhry for the last 20 years and more, repeatedly tell yourself that imagination is more important than historical facts. Give your mind a free rein. Don’t waste your time thinking through the narrative too hard, because your readers won’t either. It’s much wiser, of course, to stick initially to other column types.

Perhaps the easiest column to write, the ultimate life-saver when really pressed for time, is the ‘History-of-Islam’ column. For this, you don’t need to worry about checking your facts or being logical in your treatment because if you do it right, the misty-eyed reader won’t be in any position to be critical.

A few words on another perennial headache for the rookie column writer: fact-checking. Imagine this typical situation: You are struggling to recall the originator of a statement that you can profitably use in your column. One moment you are sure it was Genghiz Khan, the next you suspect it was Einstein, or was it Napoleon? (Actually it could have been your grandma.) ‘It’s a demonstrated fact that… (followed by the statement)’ is a great formula to overcome this difficulty (Urdu versions being, ‘Dushman nein bhi tasleem kiya hai ke…’, or ‘Bacha bacha jaanta hai ke…’). Actually tracing the source can be prohibitively time-consuming.

You will of course learn the finer tricks of the trade as you go along, but the above should be enough to get you started. A final, general advice is to keep your columns short. Realise that the shoe could easily have been on the other foot, that is, you having to read a column by an aspiring columnist.

Disclaimer: The author doesn’t necessarily agree with the views expressed above.