An Indian housing society faced a social media backlash Friday for moral policing after barring an unmarried male tenant from hosting a female guest at an upscale apartment complex near New Delhi.
Mohit Agarwal had been due to host a Spanish friend at his home in Gurgaon before the complex’s housing association said its rulebook forbade single residents from entertaining guests of the opposite sex.
“There was no basis for stopping her to enter my house, except that these guys took it upon themselves to morally police us,” Agarwal wrote in a Facebook post which has gone viral. “And it was super humiliating. With all the shameful insinuations flying around,” he wrote.
The unnamed Spanish woman, who arrived in India last month to work as an intern for a human rights group, had been intending to stay with Agarwal in The Palm Grove Heights complex in Gurgaon, a business district which is home to several multi-national firms.
The complex is run by the US-based Colliers International real estate management which said the “exclusion” rules were framed by the residents’ society. “We have no role in forming the rules. The residents had previously faced some issue leading to the introduction of this rule,” estate manager Sanjay Chaudhary told media.
Single men and women in India often face scrutiny from landlords who regularly turn down potential tenants because of their unmarried status in what is a largely conservative society. Some residents claim their children are likely to be led astray by “the bachelors’ lifestyles” but it is rare for a residential society to go as far as determining who can come and go from a complex.
In one of the hundreds of Facebook posts written in response to Agarwal’s tale, Maria Maciel wrote that the society had acted “outrageously”. “What kind of society (do) we live in? I’m totally shocked with such occurrence. Shame on those people!” Maciel wrote.
Most hotels across India also refuse to accommodate unmarried couples over morality issues. Last year around 40 unmarried couples was detained from several Mumbai hotels over charges of “indecent behaviour” even though there are no laws that prohibit them from staying together.
Here is the complete text of his Facebook post:
Sometimes life in Gurgaon makes you justify your right to live without humiliation.
Hello All, Wanted to narrate to you a harrowing experience that I faced at PALM GROVE HEIGHTS (Ardee City, Sector 52, Gurgaon).
This society is newly made (just 5 months old) and 70% residents are bachelor tenants. Yet the society administration has taken it upon themselves to morally police them and make their lives as difficult as possible. There are society’s which clearly declare that they don’t allow bachelor tenants – I think that is nobler than what Palm Grove does.
So coming back to the story: During my masters in Europe, I had made many friends. One of them, a girl from Barcelona, was coming to Intern here in Delhi at a Human Rights organisation. She wanted a place to stay for 3-4 days before she could rent a flat for herself. I volunteered to host her. On a Saturday evening, she arrived at the society, coming directly from a foreign land. The society guard stopped her – saying girls are not allowed at unmarried boys’ house! (I had heard this rumour floating around about this restriction by the Society RWA, but felt it was too ridiculous to be true).
I and my flatmates had a huge argument with the guards and then the society administration. I even called up my landlord, who supported us totally. He mailed the society admin/ RWA to allow the guest in our flat, but they rejected the request! YES – they rejected it. We even asked for a copy of the society rules which barred entry of girls to bachelor tenants’ house, but there was no such formal rule. (Making such a rule is illegal by the way)
So effectively there was no basis for stopping her to enter my house, except that these guys took it upon themselves to morally police us. For 3 hours we negotiated on a topic which was too ridiculous to be negotiated upon. And it was super humiliating.With all the shameful insinuations flying around. Less for us and more for the person who has just landed in India – ironically a mild taste of what human rights violation in India feels like.
Finally, she had to go rent a hotel.
In all this ruckus, I had called up the society president Amrik Singh Nimbran and said his rules were stupid and didn’t make sense. Next day, he came to my house looking for me. He said, “I am retired DG of police, and I know very well how to handle criminals like you”. Criminals, really!!. He even threatened next time we do something like this – he will ensure that we get bashed up!
But this is not a one-time case, this society has been doing it quite frequently. It has happens to other tenants too. Entering the premises with a group of friends is like entering a club – the bouncer guard decides whether your friends get in or don’t.
All their policies are geared to get the bachelors out of here. Why don’t they create a proper policy and stop renting it to bachelors is not understood. They even stopped entry of motorcycles inside the premises, because most bachelors have two wheelers. So you are okay with massive SUVs but not a humble scooter entering the society premises, someone please explain the logic!
Why this rant on facebook :
1) Because I want to expose the double standards of Gurgaon’s MNC “family” crowd living in gated societies.
2) Because no person in future should accidentally rent-in a house in Palm Grove Heights.
3) Because I want you to spread this as much as possible.
That’s all folks, and get married soon, and buy a car, and be a man – because a bachelor doesn’t have equal rights! And a woman ! And a person from another country! And a two wheeler driver!
Food For Thought – Gedanken:
a). What if a Sonia Gandi comes to meet a tenant who happens to be Narendra Modi to discuss national issues. Will the guards then stop her because a white looking “woman” is visiting a “bachelor”?
b) What if a Harley Davidson owner is stopped at the entrance and a Tata Nano is allowed inside?
c) People above the age of 18 can decide who can rule the country for the next 5 years, but they their entire neighboorhood considers them incapable of deicding whats right or wrong in their life?
Update 1:
So, after this post I got many messages from tenants staying in this society describing their experiences. Attaching the screenshots. So this was not a one-off case with just me, but a concerted effort by the management.
Update 2:
I shot a mail on 29thOct, to Global, APAC and India heads of Colliers describing the incident and the complicity of the Colliers estate manager.
The Colliers estate manager – Sanjay Chaudhary- rang me up today (30th Oct) , saying he was being pressured by the retired DG. Amrik Singh Nimbran to enforce such rules.
But honestly, Sanjay Chaudhary himself was calling the judgement that day. Nimbran came into the picture next day when he came wanting to bash me up because of my SMS and call to him.
Anyways, Sanjay was apologetic (or appearing to be) and said such incidents won’t happen in future.
