Will block all roads but will keep u-turns open, says Imran

Remaining firm on his prior announcements of blocking the roads of the federal capital, chairman Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf Imran Khan said on Saturday that he will keep u-turns open.

“Yes, we are still steadfast as we were last time on our demands,” he said, speaking to reporters from his Bani Gala residence. “But we will still keep the u-turns completely unblocked because, you know, you never know.”

“There is nothing wrong with this. Even if we were to look at Islamic history, we will find that….that…umm..hey you,” he said, whistling at party leader Asad Umar. “Dig something up from some history book somewhere that will prove my point and give these guys photocopies, will you? And let me know when my tea is ready.”

“On the 2nd, I will give the government only 48 hours to step down, at the end of which I will give them another three days, after which I will give them another five hours, after which I will do something incredibly stupid and violent and will then deny ordering my workers to do it and then, finally, I will be using the u-turns which I have strategically left open.”