On our ailing democracy

Diagnosis and remedy

Even the most unwavering democrat, provided he is at all honest, would concede that the democratic experiment in Pakistan hasn’t been a very happy one. The politicians never tire of suggesting that democracy takes time to take root, so we must not be impatient while we wait for its flowers. The late Gen. Ayub Khan, a perceptive student of human nature and politicians alike, was of the opinion that democracy only worked in cold climates. These, and similar ‘solutions’, are obviously self-serving. What is it then?

After having spent a number of frustrating years in contemplation, I have recently had an epiphany. And the answer is refreshingly simple (if I may say so myself). The explanation – well, part of it at any rate – is this: the titles of far too many of our political parties are problematic. What’s in a name, you ask? If you underestimate the power of names, just view all the bloody violence that has been taking place in Karachi in the light of names of some localities of the city: Goli Maar, Bewah Colony, Mukka Chowk, Teen Talwaar, Khamosh Colony, Kati Pahari, Pathar Town… The influence of names is undeniable.

In countries with the best democratic tradition, they build institutions instead of glorifying personalities. Also, they discourage people from communal/parochial ways of thinking. Finally, the practice of advertising what is not actually being sold is held extremely contemptible. Broadly speaking then, there are four problems with the names of our political parties. 1. They are named after a personality, usually the one in charge. 2. They have strong whiffs of communalism. 3. They advertise what they are not selling. 4. They are simply stupid. In truly democratic nations you have intelligent sounding names like the Democratic Party, The Liberal Democrats, Labour Party, etc. Just compare these with what we have here: Pakistan Justice Democratic Critic Party, PML-Functional, PML-Dysfunctional… Enough said.

Now that the problem has been diagnosed, the rest is simple: If we are to enjoy the fruits of democracy, we must change the names of the offending political parties. By way of demonstration, I am suggesting some of those changes. Of course I cannot hope to cover the spectrum. Also, there’s nothing final in these suggestions. The task of appropriately changing the name is best left to intellectuals in each party itself.

Obviously heavily influenced by the All India Muslim League, former President Musharraf named his faction the APML. However, the words ‘All Pakistan’ give an impression of it being a popular party with strong roots all over the country, which is sadly not the case. I suggest renaming it ‘Albeit Pakistan Muslim League’. The acronym need not change.

‘PML Nawaz’ (PML-N) should be renamed PML-M, referring to the mandate – invariably a heavy one – it manages to get in every election. Another appropriate name could be PML-S (S for surkhru), because the party has a habit of being vindicated in all legal trials and judicial probes as well.

The ‘Pakistan People’s Party Parliamentarians’ (PPPP) is a good, honest name for a political party, but somehow one feels that it could do with another P or two, or three. ‘Pakistan Pro-Poor-People Propertied Parliamentarians’ Party’ (PPPPPPP) gives it a nice ring.

The ‘Pakhtunkhwa Milli Awami Party’ (PkMAP) should best be renamed the ‘Khwamakhwa Milli Awami Party’ (KmMAP), which will rid it of its communal baggage, making it attractive for the general public as well.

There’s a strong case for the ‘PML Zia-ul-Haq Shaheed’ (PML-ZS) to be renamed ‘PML Ghazi Zia-ul-Haq Shaheed’ (PML-GZS). If a lowly operator like Mumtaz Qadri can simultaneously be ghazi and shaheed, why not Zia? The fact that the latter left an indelible mark on a global scale more than justifies a political party named after him. Let’s call it the Haqqian exceptionalism.

The MQM started from heavy parochial origins (‘Muhajir Qaumi Movement’), and gradually evolved into an inclusive party (‘Mutahidda Qaumi Movement’). This worked until very recently, because you knew who was who in the party. Not any more, though. Who is leading the party now? What is Altaf Bhai’s role if any? Has Farooq bhai deposed Altaf bhai? Can he even do that? These are some of the mysteries shrouding the MQM leadership. I suggest renaming the party ‘Mysterious Quaid Movement’ (MQM), because nobody knows who the Quaid actually is. Once again, stationery and posters with acronyms only need not be reprinted.

‘JUI Fazal-ur-Rehman’ (JUI-F) completely fails to convey the party essence. After all, the party has plenty of other brains in addition to the party chief (Senator Hamdullah readily comes to mind). The party is by far the most ‘flexible’ in the country, and this must be reflected in the name. ‘JUI-Way Too Flexible’ (JUI-WTF) would be a suitable substitute.