Ch Nisar announces policy to regulate his bowel movements


    Speaking to reporters at the interior ministry on Saturday, the federal minister of the interior Chaudhry Nisar announced his policy to regulate his bowel movements.

    “After a detailed discussion with our team here at the ministry, we have come to the conclusion that a fibre-rich diet is the way to go,” he said. “So more brown bread and roughage.”

    On a question about the problems with this particular line of action, the nation’s security czar said that certain precautions will be taken.

    “We know that fibre-only diet with limited water intake is going to cause problems, so an attempt at hydration is going to be made, with a specified, periodic intake,” he said.

    “Yes, Ramzan has caused certain complications and we are cognizant of that. Our “timings” are way off,” he continued. “So our Key Performance Indicators are not to be in the same parameters as they were without Ramzan.”

    “What we lack in the number of our visits to the men’s room for the time being, we more than make up for it in the sheer intensity of the aforementioned,” he said. “Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have some……serious business to take care of….yes, serious…”