“What is wrong with our society is not that we are not reverent enough, or pious enough or that we don’t give to charity enough, or we don’t listen to Maulvis enough, the problem is that we don’t insult each other enough.”
For the first time in ages, since I have started writing this column (What? It’s been three weeks?), I decided to do due diligence before writing a piece and watched THAT clip. Yep, I watched the clip of the epic fight between Hafiz Hamdullah and Marvi Sirmed. Boy was that a bad idea! For Hafiz Hamdullah at least. That guy looked and sounded exactly like you shouldn’t. Yeah, if you think you’re a nice guy, or want to be one, just don’t sound or behave like that guy and you’ll be fine.
There are so many things you notice immediately that are wrong – things that you know most of the religious people do or say but you tell yourself, ‘But surely, not all Maulvis are like this’; but after watching this clip, you’re like, ‘well this one surely is’.
And Marvi Sirmed. She was glorious! Heroic even. Seriously, she defied him, and then kept on defying him no matter what he said. She also taunted him, and baited him which was marvelous to see. The sight of a strong woman not backing down an inch – it was breathtaking.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying that Marvi Sirmed is perfect, or that she has never made a mistake. I’m saying she’s beyond perfect. And whatever mistakes she’s made, are forgiven after this.
Did you notice that at the start, Marvi did not appear to want to be nasty and said something like ‘No, that’s not what I said’ but about a minute later, she was like, ‘If that’s what you’re objecting to, then let me reiterate, that is indeed what I am saying’ – in some other place, and maybe some other time, this would’ve been called ‘gangsta’.
I know that some people have said that the anchorwoman incited the guests to get a ratings bump; some say she should have shut it down; some have even said that the channel shouldn’t have aired it, but I think that would have been the real tragedy. Years down the road, I want to see little girls inspired by this exchange. I want to see little boys cautioned by it.
And it’s not just girls and women who should stand up to and insult, yes insult authority and authority figures, all of us need to collectively, in the words of a poet and philosopher, ‘grow a pair’.
““If I wanted to hit her, I would’ve slapped around Barrister Masroor first and then I would have slapped her.”
This guy is a senator, a legislator.”
What is wrong with our society is not that we are not reverent enough, or pious enough or that we don’t give to charity enough, or we don’t listen to Maulvis enough, the problem is that we don’t insult each other enough.
And what of Hafiz Hamdullah? I think the guy could not put a foot right in that video clip. As soon as she says ‘I agree with Barrister Masroor’ he stops her and says ‘I won’t let you talk’. What I don’t understand is, Barrister Masroor just said those things, why didn’t you stop him? Why do you think you can stop a woman, but not a man? Then comes the most revealing moment of the debate: Hamdullah tells Marvi she is behaving like a husband instead of a woman. I mean whatever the Maulvis say about respecting women, and they say a lot, it is very clear that according to them the fact whether a person will be the beater or the beaten till their dying breath is decided at their first breath – and sometimes after a painful operation – through a set of genitalia. What they don’t understand is that a normal person sometimes wants to be a beater, and sometimes a “beatee” and there is nothing wrong with that; I mean whatever gets your rocks off, right? And he’s defending a Maulvi who, don’t forget, just prescribed light beating of errant wives by husbands, so there is no doubt about the beating part.
Just imagine! The moment you’re born the decision is made for you if you’re going to be beaten throughout your life. You can become a rocket scientist but will still find yourself at the wrong end of your husband’s shoe. Sure, if you’re a rocket scientist you can probably dump that ass (hehe… I’m proud of myself for not using that obscenely), except the fact that there is a whole system of religion and society that does not want you become a rocket scientist and will make sure that you don’t. Fun times, right?
I know what you’re thinking. Most of the people love their wives and their wives love them and there is no oppressing going on at most households, to which I will say, really? And congrats to you on being a man.
Let’s circle back to Hafiz Hamdullah, who said more, and yeah, it gets very bad indeed (I’m not going to tch tch my way through a sermon on equal rights and pretend I’m not enjoying every second of it, so Yippee!).
Hafiz Hamdullah then threatened Marvi by saying, “I will remove your Shalwar”.
Let’s take a minute and think about what he’s saying and the fact that what he’s saying is the very definition of threatening sexual assault. He did not threaten it to a man, but to a woman and he did it on national TV, and before you start thinking I got a great comeback for any mouthy wench who disagrees with me, stop! This is not what you say if you’re decent, or even normal.
But think about it: is there a situation, any situation, in which it is okay to threaten a woman with rape? Tell me the most sacred religious principle that you can defend by threatening to rape a woman. Really, I want you to tell me if you can think of a religious principle that would be served by raping a woman. And yes, it is rape we’re talking about. I mean what was the Maulvi going to do after he had removed her Shalwar? Order a plate of Halwa? I don’t think so.
And look at the audacity! The guy is talking on TV. I assume he knows people are going to watch. And then, there are people inside the studio while he is delivering his threat. There are the guests and the anchorwoman, a cameraman, a sound guy, maybe the whole production crew but he just assumes that no one will stop him. He assumes that nobody should stop him. Can you imagine the deranged mindset that thinks like this?
But one has to be fair. I understand that tempers were running high and Hamdullah may not have meant what he said in the heat of the moment. So, let’s see what he said in a separate interview, after nerves had settled all around, to clarify what he said and did in the first.
Hamdullah said in a talk show with Ejaz Haider that he never intended to hit Marvi.
“If I wanted to hit her, I would’ve slapped around Barrister Masroor first and then I would have slapped her.”
This guy is a senator, a legislator.
You know there is a bill that has already been passed by the National Assembly and only requires approval of the Senate, before the PM can turn it into a law. It’s called a Cybercrimes bill, which in effect criminalises free speech in the country. The bill is so vague it can be used against anyone, even for just re-tweeting the wrong thing. The government is basically asking through the bill to give them all the powers and then they will use those powers wisely and compassionately. The law may end up being used against themselves eventually, but then that is the way the PML-N operates, right? Make laws like you’re always going to be in-charge.
And Anusha Rehman Khan, the PML-N lawmaker behind the awful bill, what can you say about her? Take away an entire nation’s right to free speech and they will call you a legislator, but re-tweet the wrong thing and they will put you in jail for 14 years. And Hafiz Hamdullah, who if he had said these things in a tweet rather than to her face, may have seen the inside of a jail cell (btw, is Twitter Islamic yet?), is going to vote on the bill and he’s going to vote FOR it. Yes, he’s part of JUI-F, which is an ally of the government, so he will be voting for the bill.
I know it is tempting to think Hamdullah is an outlier – if you don’t have class before religion, you won’t have it after, right? But no! That is not what this is. Thinking like that would be missing the point entirely. The reason we are in this mess today is because this is the state of the mainstream religion in this country. Show this clip to any Maulvi in the country, and they will tell you, Hamdullah was well within his rights to say what he did (the more pious will tell you, he should’ve done more). Admit it, this is a perversion of religion. And, yes, perversion can become mainstream in a society, if you’re very very unlucky. Look at slavery. Look at Hitler. Look at ISIS.
And the best antidote we have to this inexorable march of madness is a march of our own of silliness and impropriety. Let us stop thinking about what we can object to, and think about what we can live with. Let our first instinct not be to judge, but to understand, to forgive rather than to be outraged and let us not threaten to remove each others’ Shalwars – unless you’re with a consenting adult who does not mind being naughty.
