Only in Pakistan!

For we are a unique people

Anatol Lieven believes that Pakistan is a hard country. More than hard, I think ours is an interesting country. In fact, one will be hard-pressed to find a more interesting country this side of the Bosporus – or even that side, for that matter. Let me support my statement by citing incidents and observations, all of very recent vintage:

A judge, while hearing a case, asks a police constable if he knows how a grenade works. The constable, by way of demonstrating his weapon handling prowess, promptly pulls out the pin from the grenade – causing a huge explosion followed by pandemonium in the court house.

Only in Pakistan!

The federal ministers for defence, interior and planning are not on talking terms for extended periods of time. An important aircraft deal is cancelled apparently on account of poor prosecution of Pakistan’s case on the part of the foreign ministry. Pakistan doesn’t have a designated foreign minister, either before or after the incident!

Only in Pakistan!

The opposition has to boycott the parliament just to make the prime minister deign to attend the parliamentary session and face unsavoury questions.

Only in Pakistan!

-well I take that back. When it comes to disdain of the parliament on the part of the rulers, Pakistan is in august company, namely: Brunei, Saudi Arabia, Qatar and Holy See.

I doubt if there is any other country where the call for the evening prayer on radio is ‘brought to you’ by some famous corporation; where public service messages promote products made by famous brands; where cricketers are politicians, politicians are businessmen, and morning show hosts are considered intellectuals; where court judgments include verses of Khalil Gibran. When it comes to the contest of being interesting, Pakistan will take some beating.

A criminal’s name is placed on the exit control list after he flees the country. The public is asked to bring evidence against alleged criminals despite there being in excess of three dozen investigation and intelligence agencies. Waving a flashlight in your face is all a sentry at the check-post needs to do in order to ascertain whether you are a terrorist or a law-abiding citizen. Seat belts and helmets are deemed necessary for drivers of cars and motorbikes – but not for the passengers.

Only in Pakistan!

The prime minister’s job description is confined to ‘taking notice of’, and condemning, all unfortunate incidents. Senior police officials and their spokesmen consider a bomb-blast case to have been solved once the number of casualties, and the mass of explosive material employed in the bomb has been announced; followed by the customary, ‘The possibility of involvement of foreign hands cannot be ruled out.’

Only in Pakistan!

It turns out that of the twelve ‘engineering’ consultants hired for construction of a major international airport, none hold an engineering degree (one happens to be a homoeopathic doctor though). In what is apparently an unrelated development, six months before completion of the project, it is learnt that due to insufficient distance between the two completed runways, two aircrafts cannot simultaneously land or take off. The government’s idea of answering the power crisis is one Nandipur after another – interspersed here and there with a Quaid-e-Azam Solar Park type daydream.

Only in Pakistan!

The same project can be inaugurated two, three, four, five times – depending on how keen the prime minister is to inaugurate something.

Only in Pakistan!

Observations and instances can be multiplied indefinitely, but I believe the above will suffice. I realize that a few of my readers may find the cited examples exasperating and saddening – not interesting. While a part of me understands their sentiments, a bigger part is worried about them. My message for them is this: For the sake of your sanity, if not for anything else, quickly develop a sense of humour, especially a capacity to appreciate dark comedy and irony.

And it’s not just in the public and political spheres that they will need to have a sense of humour. Let me end by narrating a rather private experience told to me first hand by a cousin. Upon receipt of a gas bill with a grossly incorrect reading, my cousin went to the service provider’s office to get it corrected, only to be told that it couldn’t be done because the employees were on an indefinite strike. He was left with no other option but to wait for the strike to end, being effectively obliged to ignore the approaching deadline. To his shock however, his gas supply was duly disconnected, and his gas meter removed, because, as it turned out, the disconnection staff was not on strike.

Only in Pakistan!