Speaking to reporters in the presidential palace in panama City, panamanian president Juan Carlos Varela said that he did not have any bank account in panama himself. “Yes, it is a major controversy the world over, with leaders from almost every country in the world being implicated in this, but i would like to assure the people of my country that i, unlike the aforementioned, do not have an account in panama,” he said emphatically. “i cannot stress enough this point: the people of panama need to relax and know that there president, good ‘ol Juan, does not have any panamanian account,” he said. “Why, you ask? Well, the reason is simple,” he continued. “Their leader has conviction, integrity and honesty.” Upon investigation, it was revealed that since the panamanian tax code taxes resident nationals on local income, president Varela instead has bank accounts in the Bahamas, Seychelles and St kitts & nevis.