A print too far

The season of lawn wars is upon us

The onset of spring ushers in, for most of us living in this fine land, both a feeling of trepidation and a sense of elation; the paradoxical phenomena have much to do with the state of our country, for the forebodings are one of a punishing summer soon around the corner duly accompanied by load shedding and gasp-inducing electricity bills, while the ecstasy has its fount in the fashion consciousness of our fairer sex. In so far as the arrival of warmer weather and the proliferation of lawn clothing brands enjoy a statistical correlation stronger than the Akmal Bros. and dropped catches, the matter of fact is the annual barrage of women’s clothing and its related advertisements raise a few discussion points.

First of all, from a public safety point of view the billboards portraying the fabrics draped around models are a literal hazard; many a hot-blooded male can be seen riveting his eyes on the billboards that dot the cities instead of directing his eyes on the road and the traffic. Many an accident must have occurred, and countless more narrowly avoided, as drivers take in their daily dose of eye candy, ignoring the perils on the roads. Many a husband has been upbraided by his wife for glancing (not to make too fine a point) at the young women with attractive faces and curvaceous frames. The standard and safe reply “I was thinking of taking you lawn shopping” generally gets the poor man off the hook, though sets him up for a financial outlay that will upset his monthly budget.

The lawn business must be a lucrative enterprise for it seems that over the years every Amir, Junaid and Abrar has jumped into the game. All that is required, it appears, to launch a lawn business are a handful of plagiarised designs and a few sultry models prepared to pose in these outfits. Talking about models and poses, the question begs why most models promote the pursed lips and sucked-in cheeks look. If the idea is to look cool and detached I beg to suggest the look achieved is more akin to that of an actress (and I use the term loosely) featured on a DVD cover of an adult movie. I may be wrong here but a natural smile on an average looking face does more wonders than a fake ‘cool’ look does on an otherwise beautiful visage.

Then there is the behaviour of the fairer sex. Not many things get our ladies into frenzy faster than lawn shopping. The glazed look in their eyes as they march into the lawn purveying shops is not too different from that of an erstwhile marooned man looking at a bottle of fine Scottish aqua vitae aboard a ship that has just rescued him. Once urban legends, but now corroborated by videos, tales exist of stampedes in lawn shops, salesmen being harangued, women battering one another to get hold of a last print and then racing recklessly across town to their tailors to have the outfit ready for the next coffee morning-cum-selfie bonanza. Age is no barrier — mothers compete with daughters while grandmothers drool over the fabrics and designs. Sisters-in-law compete viciously to be the first to wear the hippest item. Even best friends hide their latest acquisition before the next get-together. The popularization of pret-a-porter lawn suits, while probably sounding a death knell for the traditional tailor, has enabled our women to Instagram and Facebook themselves donning the latest fashion literally in a matter of hours.

Nothing it seems can satiate our women’s desire for the latest and trendiest lawn fashion. Every year we see new entrants into the market, generating hundreds of designs and cuts. This runaway spread of lawn brands means that the Pakistani women will always be on the search for the perfect print or the one that got away. And as the season ends many will pat themselves on their backs for the sartorial choices made, and the over-critical few will rue the choices made or otherwise. And as in the 1977 war movie A Bridge Too Far the Allies admit their failure to capture Arnhem was because it was one bridge too many, our womenfolk will have to contend with the fact that there shall always be that one print that they will miss in the season, that one print too far!