Men and moments of 2015

A couple of women too

Two-thousand-fifteen has had its fair share of remarkable events and personalities. On the eve of 2016, here, in no particular order, are some of the more memorable ones:

1. It was a fine year for Project Democracy. Not only did the first two tiers of democracy hold their own, we managed to add the third tier as well, bringing democracy to people’s very doorsteps. The Judicial Commission report has blown away the menacing clouds hanging about the parliament, and more sunshine is forecast. In the distance, I can already hear the bells of prosperity tolling. Can you?
2. The Imran-Reham estrangement was the most baffling mystery of the year. Was it his dog that was unacceptable to her? Was he allergic to her pussycat? Did she manhandle him? If so, how much bench is she pressing? Was poison involved, or was it just recreational drugs? Was she spying on him? Two months on, we are none the wiser regarding these questions of national importance.
3. The launch of Pakistan Justice Democratic Critic Party was the most exciting news of the year. Personally, I would have preferred a name that reflected the founder – something short and catchy, such as PML (Chay); but why quibble over a name? Justice Chaudhry has made it clear that only non-corrupt people are welcome in PJDCP. Justice Chaudhry and Arsalan Iftikhar, on account of their exemplary non-corruption, are automatic choices for life party-chairman and life secretary-general respectively. PJDCP has definite promise to fill the vacuum of Pakistani politics, because it will likely focus on important issues the other parties ignore – samosa prices, and sirens smuggling liquor bottles in their handbags. The launch of PJDCP was celebrated outside Pakistan as well – there have been reports of distribution of sweets in Monte Carlo.
4. Meera’s tweet, offering her house to Amir Khan in case the latter chose to leave intolerant India for tolerant Pakistan, was extremely heart-warming. Could any other gesture have accentuated Muslim sisterhood and the two-nation theory more beautifully? I doubt it.
5. This year also featured Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, a watershed moment in the history of A-grade cinema. In the film, Salman Khan proved that he is too natural an actor to need second (or third) takes. Also, if a film is to be true-to-life, it must contain scenes that aren’t picture-perfect. After all, doesn’t real life contain many less than perfect ‘frames’?
6. The international personality of 2015 was Vladimir Putin. Tayyip Erdogan and others tried to steal his show but proved to be no match for Vladimir. Anybody who was foolish enough to engage him in a stare-down had to blink first. The pretenders found out that while they could shoot down planes to act tough, they had no answer to the Putin swagger. Vladimir also proved that if there was ever going to be a Third World War, it will be he, and only he, who will start it.
7. Who can forget the French flag DP filter controversy on Facebook? ‘Why should we do it when they don’t do it for the Muslims?’ inquired one outraged party. ‘Why should we stop behaving decently just because they don’t?’ demanded the other. Logic on either side was impeccable, and passion abundant. Any wonder it ended in a hard-fought draw?
8. The last quarter of the year was witness to Shahryar Khan’s legendary humility. On the issue of the Indian team’s tour, Khan proved to be the embodiment of Mukesh’s Mera dar khula hai, khula hi rahe ga tumhaare liye. Cricket tour or not, with this amount of self-negation, he must be on the verge of achieving nirvana.
9. Muhammad Hafeez’s principled stance on the return of Muhammad Amir revived the dying art of conscientious objection. It is exhilarating to know that moral and ethical fires are burning so fiercely in the bosoms of our sporting heroes. The professor has now graciously agreed to play with Amir, proving that compassion and forgiveness define him as much as his uncompromising commitment to other people’s integrity.
10. News of the discovery of gold worth billions of dollars near Chiniot was announced in February. These reserves were first discovered in the 70s, but they were forgotten amid all the confusion of the Iran-Iraq war. Now that the reserves have been rediscovered, breaking of the begging bowl should be only a matter of time for the present leadership.
11. This year also saw ground breaking for the Orange Line Metro Train in Lahore. There are few that are not affected one way or the other: one house is without water, another without power, the third without sewage disposal, and all are submerged under a thick cloud of dust. Still, nobody is complaining as the Lahoris fully understand the sacrifices required of them if Lahore is to become Istanbul. ‘Bring on the blue, red and yellow lines after the orange one!’ as one enthusiastically remarked.
12. During the infamous Yousuf-Rameez altercation, the unflappable Rameez, for once, lost his cool, and emerged second best as a result. Unfortunately for him, the dialogue was carried out in Urdu, so his rote learning of Roget’s Thesaurus couldn’t be of much use. It may have been riveting television, but Rameez is a senior analyst and a national hero. To avoid similar embarrassment in future, he should make it clear to the anchors that henceforth, the medium of all his TV fights must strictly be the English tongue.
13. It may have been a most curious version of sneaky diplomacy culminating in Modi’s ‘impromptu’ visit to Lahore, but now that there is no dearth of goodwill on either side, a meaningful composite dialogue is a virtual certainty.

A very happy 2016 to you!