Two and a half men
Just as the overall national situation begins to improve somewhat, a totally unexpected, strange or shocking event jolts us roughly back to earth and to the harsh realities of our everyday existence. The MQM was a mega source of anxiety recently due to its resignation antics, but was upped on August 14 of all days by Senator Mushahidullah Khan, the minister for climate change of the PML-N, who went one better (or worse, as it turned out) by his suicidal or ‘sacrificial lamb’ interview on the BBC. And now the MQM legislator Abdul Rashid Godil is fighting for his life after being targeted in an assassination attempt in Karachi, a deed calculated to further intensify the city’s always tense situation. A dull, dreary uneventful day would make most Pakistanis heave a sigh of relief, indeed make them proud: here, ‘no news is good news’ indeed. All of the following two plus two and a half men impacted the Independence Day scene in quite different ways, from the tragic and mournful to the seemingly mischievous and deliberately confusing. And hence they are being kept strictly apart, as the unusual fragmented title suggests.
The country lost two loyal men and true on consecutive days following the Independence Day. Both were retired soldiers who had chosen to soldier on regardless, one on the ideological front and the other as a front-fighter in the fight against terrorism and religious extremism. This they did till their last breaths.
First the 79 years old Gen (r) Hamid Gul, ignoring his blood pressure problem, ventured up into the hills (always a risky gamble for the hypertensive) for a little recreation and fell foul of a fatal brain haemorrhage. He was a staunch defender of the country’s ideological frontiers (according to his lights) and tenacious in defence of his world-view. It was rare for him to be bested in an argument such was his self-belief and knowledge. One could disagree with some of his hypothesis but never question his essential patriotism and selfless intentions. That he chose to resign at the pinnacle of his army career rather than serve in an insignificant role sheds light on his upright character. His controversial dabbling in politics was not that outlandish at a time when the two mainstream parties were engaged in stubborn personal vendettas that were ruining the economy and causing political gridlock. There were no confounding grey areas for this legendary man: he saw everything in black and white and in his being in the right. Although this is not the time and place to be flippant, the late general who had a wry sense of humour, would appreciate the remark that, ‘his principles were out of date, but there was a good deal to be said for his prejudices’ ( especially regarding the Americans!).
There was a rare quality of nobility and openness about him and the complete absence of the sophistry and subterfuge that characterise most of his colleagues in the Assemblies
Col (r) Shuja Khanzada, chirpy, confidant, cheerful and self-contained, the Punjab home minister and the foremost figure in the fight against terrorism in the province, was martyred in a suicide bombing in the enclosed area of a sturdily constructed building, which probably magnified the intensity of the blast(s). There was a rare quality of nobility and openness about him and the complete absence of the sophistry and subterfuge that characterise most of his colleagues in the Assemblies. For him, the battlefield never ended. He went from the battlefield of tanks to the even more treacherous minefield of the war on terror. Despite being curbed in his duties by ambitious characters close to the ruling family, at least one of whom (‘with a lurking black underworld look’) reportedly maintained a personal liaison with his eventual vengeful executioners, he never complained or washed the party’s dirty linen in public. He was courteous, flexible and polite, as was obvious in his last television programme on August 15, especially when a particularly aggressive female legal eagle tested his patience to the limit by her constant backtalk. He epitomised the very spirit and flair of a defiant Pakistan, unfazed by years of terrorism and adversity. It is possible that out of pride, he never requested, and hence was not sanctioned, a bullet-proof vehicle, despite his high-profile role and his vulnerability, especially after the elimination of Malik Ishaq and the top Lashkar-e-Jhangvi leadership under the National Action Plan, as he so boldly admitted in public. The First Family is not particularly generous or gracious in the matter of sharing the state’s bounty. The numerous heirs come first with regard to personal security, armoured vehicles and the number of policemen to be assigned. What was the number of Shuja Khanzada’s police detail, and where was the all-important security perimeter cordon around him? This was an intelligence failure of gigantic dimensions all round and of criminal negligence at the site of the blast. There are many suspicious questions being asked regarding his tragic demise that beg truthful answers. He was a real gentleman, a grievous fault indeed it would seem, in our environment. Such men as he are the true wealth of a nation, not its material resources.
The third actor, Senator Mushahidullah Khan, truly deserves this label as he put on a consummate show of dramatic playacting on the BBC Urdu service on August 14, taking some of the gloss off the Independence Day celebrations. Confidant and self-assured, he had rehearsed his lines well and looked as if he might have graduated in acting from the London stage. But Mushahidullah’s Game is a dangerous game, a too-clever-by-half venture, like the Kerry Lugar Bill and the Memo-Gate scandals or the media frenzy by a television channel close to the prime minister against the last ISI chief after the shooting incident of journalist Hamid Mir. Its intent perhaps was to sow the seeds of doubt and ambiguity in the public mind about a pivotal national institution and to weaken it for petty political ends. It would seem that the grudge of 1999 still has a strong grip on some shallow minds, and the hard-liners’ faction in the affected political camp cannot help but blurt out this truth in various ways from time to time. But, the Senator’s gambit, in which he was a lowly pawn, has the potential of backfiring badly someday if these mind(less) games continued. He was selected for this drama possibly for being a reliable Man Friday and general factotum of the hat-trick prime minister and for the insignificance of his ministry, at least in Pakistan. A resignation would not make ripples in the cabinet and the country while simultaneously a big political show of firing him could be put on. Was this yet another pressure tactic to force the army into a defensive groove and a compromise and eventually dilute the highly effective Karachi operation against criminal political elements? Had not the National Assembly Speaker (supposedly a non-political and neutral entity) talked with the army-phobic MQM chief himself over the telephone? About what, the weather, old coins and their respective stamp collections?
Considering the Mushahidullah affair and others preceding it, there is a dire need for a Foot-in-Mouth Disease Law or Ordinance to prevent high-profile officials from shooting their mouths off in public on sensitive issues without proper vetting. The vehement denial by the information minister of the disturbing multiple claims and insinuations made by the minister for climate change on the BBC programme is suspicious by itself and smacks of a slimy scheme. How can two ministers and senior party figures and the prime minister be so incoherently off-tangent to each other? It seems illogical (even for them) and entirely inconceivable. Some people and politicians never seem to learn. They keep on making the same old mistakes, not even a new set of mistakes. As for good advice, they clearly seem devoted fans of the epigram, ‘the only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself’!
The fourth man is a senior news analyst of a popular television show (who shall remain nameless, in accordance with the rules of the Writers and Columnists (including Fifth Columnists) Guild) and his ‘battered half’ the show’s much younger anchor who is a bit slow on the uptake and struggles to keep up with the analyst’s devious arguments and remarks, accompanied by unnerving giggling. The world’s only consulting detective, Sherlock Holmes of 221b Baker Street, London, would no doubt have little difficulty in guessing our man’s identity. ‘Beyond the obvious facts’ he would say casually after his first meeting, ‘that he has at some time done manual labour, that he takes snuff, that he is a Freemason, that he has been in China, I can deduce nothing else.’
Considering the Mushahidullah affair and others preceding it, there is a dire need for a Foot-in-Mouth Disease Law or Ordinance to prevent high-profile officials from shooting their mouths off in public on sensitive issues without proper vetting
Wrong again, Mr Holmes! The person in question is a dangerous litigant who demands public apologies from all and sundry at the slightest whiff of a snub, is jealously fond of his ‘spy’ sparrow and closely associated with a popular national sport of English origin. You have also overlooked the most crucial aspect of his personality or psyche, his severe identity crisis, to which he candidly confessed in his television talk show aired on our Independence Day. It may be termed the Two Nation Theory Syndrome, a pathological disorder which commonly afflicts so-called leftists and pseudo liberals. It seems that the noted journalist is still uncertain about the validity and veracity of the Two Nation Theory which led to the creation of Pakistan in 1947, in the modern day and age. While his argument that, by this rationale, the Hindus and Muslims would remain eternal enemies, went over one’s head, the great liberal ideologue put on an air of profound gravity while discussing the matter (so, oh! so dear to his heart) and his ‘battered half’s’ mournful expression duly mirrored the analyst’s misgivings and scepticism. But it should be noted that the honourable gentleman’s confusion (and any qualms) quickly vanish when it comes to accepting undeserved offices and plum posts under a notorious system of patronage. Then it is crystal-clear clarity and giggles all the way.
In any case, the passionate celebrations by the common people and their resounding slogans and cheers should have provided a simple and clear answer to the needlessly perplexed senior analyst and others similarly inclined. Millions all over the country were voting with their feet all over again as they joyously danced and celebrated Independence Day in the streets and parks all day and all night long. Unfortunately, many weak and wavering spirits within us, beset for so long by numerous enemies, internal contradictions and perennial problems, also suffer from the Two Nation Theory ideological disorder pointed out by the esteemed journalist. Hopefully, with our myriad problems now gradually on the mend, this very curable malady of the spirit will soon disappear, no doubt aided by a heavy dose of Narendra Modi’s fascist fanaticism in India and the pitiable plight of the weak and helpless Muslims in Kashmir, in Palestine and indeed in most of the Islamic world, compared to whom a resolute and unbowed Pakistan is still a haven of stability and hope for the future.
