Arsenal’s sensational swoop for Real Madrid star Karim Benzema is a done deal – at least it is according to Rodney Marsh’s ‘mate’
Put Pedro on the back burner for a moment. The biggest, hottest breaking football transfer gossip, as reported by Talksport, is that Arsenal have had a £48m bid for Karim Benzema accepted by Real Madrid. Huge.
When we say reported by Talksport; the news actually comes direct from the mouth of renowned football man Rodney Marsh. So how is Rodney the only person that knows the facts about the biggest transfer story of the summer? We’ll tell you.
You may assume that Rodney has used his contacts in football: Maybe he met Arsene Wenger at a charity dinner, or is pretty tight with Benzema himself. But neither are true. In fact, Marsh learned the sensational news through one of his mates.
“A mate of mine who shall remain nameless phoned me up and told me,” Marsh said. Intriguing, although the reason we know this “mate” was not Benzema or Wenger is because Marsh added, “He said he wouldn’t print it in the paper.”
In other words, Marsh’s mate is some kind of journalist. The kind of journalist who, when presented with the biggest scoop of the transfer window, decides not to print it in the paper, but instead to deliver the news directly to Rodney Marsh and no one else.
There are only two possible explanations for this. Either Rodney Marsh pays some kind of astronomically expensive VIP subscription to this paper whereby the top stories are reserved specifically for him, which also means there are probably lots of other things Rodney Marsh knows about that we don’t: earthquakes, terrorist attacks, dead celebrities. The other explanation is that either Rodney, or his mate, are talking absolute guff.
Now on to Pedro, who was persuaded to sign for Chelsea instead of Manchester United after his wife had a chat with Cesc Fabregas’s wife, at the inspired suggestion of Jose Mourinho. Maybe Mrs Pedro just wanted to be reassured she wouldn’t be required to have an affair with John Terry.
The Barcelona forward’s arrival in London will trigger the departure of Willian, says the Metro, although claims the man to make way will be Juan Cuadrado, which sounds more likely because Willian is better than Juan Cuadrado.
Other Man Utd knockbacks make up a large proportion of the rest of the transfer news, with Bayern Munich reportedly telling the Red Devils Thomas Muller is not for sale, and Southampton ruling out selling them Sadio Mane.
West Ham’s search for a striker also continues to be fruitless after the Hammers reportedly had a bid for Galatasaray’s Burak Yilmaz rejected and pulled out of a deal to sign Tottenham’s Emmanuel Adebayor.
