Our Islamabad Correspondent
Upset at being disqualified by the election tribunal, former Railways Minister Kh Asif lashed out at his detractors at a press conference in Islamabad yesterday, saying he deserved to continue working despite the disqualification.
“How is it my fault that somebody’s incompetence and lack of experience led to thousands of fake votes, disappearance of crucial polling station forms, and setting up of an illegal election cell?” he asked.
“Besides, I was the hardest working minister in the cabinet, including the prime minister”, the former MNA added as he frowned and repeatedly waved his right index finger. “At least I went to the office regularly”.
The latest remark, according to some analysts, exposed growing fissures within the ruling party, and added fuel to rumours of rifts among senior ministers.
An N-league insider, speaking to KT on condition of anonymity, explained the internal cleavage.
“Of course he was the hardest working minister, because he was the only one who went to office every day,” he explained.
“The rest are a strange pack. The PM never comes to parliament. Kh Asif is probably too confused about which of the two offices to visit, so he stays in the lodges (apparently quite occupied). And Nisar likes the PM office far more than the interior ministry. He spends more time having coffee with the PM’s media team – Maryam Nawaz and Marvi Memon – than working out the NAP. And don’t even ask about what Shahbaz does with his day”.
KT’s own investigation proved this analysis correct. Only in the railways ministry was a P marked in the attendance roster every day. The rest were either not marked or there were no registers. Some had pages torn out. The Punjab CM has ordered an inquiry.
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LEAs explain NAP, finally
Our Security Correspondent – Law Enforcement Agencies (LEAs) sought to sooth public fears the other day by explaining some of their latest statements.
“We stand by our last announcement that we will never allow any terrorists to enter Pakistan again”, they thundered.
“That is why we let them out in the first phase”.
Analysts had long requested LEAs to explain this complicated strategy, asking about the fate of the terrorists that were already here.
“Now that’s not very complicated at all”, said their spokesman. “If we hadn’t let them out, how would we have stopped them from coming back?”
Processing this fresh information, most security analysts have come round to finally understanding and appreciating the subtle strategy behind the operation.
“Understanding this was like solving a deep math problem which can only be worked by solving backwards”, said a senior counterinsurgency professional, speaking exclusively to KT.
“First they let them slip and let them believe they were being smart, although they were not half as smart as we were”, he started, adding that “then we levelled everything to the basement to make sure there’s nothing left just in case anyone got back. And then we just make sure that they don’t come”, he concluded.
“Check for yourself”, the LEA spokesman added. “If you find more bad guys leaving than coming, you’ll know who’s winning”.
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Well, now that you put it that way…: Coach Waqar
Our Cricket Correspondent – Taking strong exception at PCB’s warning – that he would be fired if the team lost the last Test – Coach Waqar Younis said the team would have improved a lot earlier if the chairman had taken this approach sooner.
“Well, now that you put it that way, I’ll have the boys produce some banana in-swingers in this one,” he said.
“I mean, all they had to do was tell us that they were thinking about revisiting the working model, and they wouldn’t even have had to make the threat”.
It seems the Board has not revised the performance-versus-reward contract since the ‘90s, when the team would clinch a series here and a tri-nation cup there, and nobody was the wiser.
“But then since nobody was bothered, neither were we”, added Waqar, when asked why the Board kept picking teams that didn’t win and coaches kept routines that didn’t deliver.
And he put the blame squarely on the Board.
“Isn’t this typical of the Board”, he asked, adding that “they could have taken such positive and inspiring steps during the World Cup, couldn’t they?”
