India, Israel behind Lahore lynching – agencies

Our Intelligence Correspondent – A thorough investigation into the Lahore lynching has revealed that Indian and Israeli intelligence agencies were behind the tragic incidents witnessed last week in Lahore. According to high-level intelligence sources, who spoke to KT on the condition of anonymity, what seemed like a regular Taliban attack followed by mob violence was in fact a comprehensive joint RAW-Mossad operation.

“We have discovered a level of infiltration that would stun even our conspiracy theorists”, he said. “We are now pretty sure that all activities of Taliban, all religious and sectarian militants, even key decision makers in Islamabad, were influenced by plots that were hatched in New Delhi and Tel Aviv”.

Even though initial details are sketchy, and the source did not reveal too much, it seems the enemy first infiltrated the police force and blunted it to the core. Then it roused minority anger by getting its agents to carry out the Kasur blasphemy lynching. Only then did they green-light the ground squad to hit the churches in Lahore. After that, of course, another squad was sent to burn a couple of innocent people.

Even though his information is limited, the source reckoned, based on his experience, that such an expansive operation must have been several years in the making.

“And this will knock your socks down”, he added. “We’re still investigating, but we have reason to believe that they also played a key role in making sure the ruling party does not take any effective reforms against terrorism”.

Why do you think NAP was all talk, he asked before walking away.

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Betting mafia behind quarter final loss, reveals super-bookie

Our Betting Correspondent – Pakistan’s loss to Australia in the World Cup quarter final was not the result of a batting collapse or dropped catches, rather an unexpected trend in bets, which went viral, caused the defeat, according to a startling disclosure by a Mumbai based super-bookie.

“No it’s not what you think”, he began. “It’s not the spot-fixing kind of betting, or even the older Cronje model”.

This time, it seems, the betting scene began heating up when unusual interest was drawn to calls expecting a repeat of the ’92 Cup. And as Pakistan began fighting back after initial setbacks, just like in ’92, the trend eventually generated more interest than the games themselves.

“Something definitely happened heading into Adelaide”, he said. “I think with the momentum growing so fast, some wise guys – who could do a thing or two about a thing or two – eventually bet against the house”.

The tide turned just as our openers went to the crease. “If you knew you could tell that something was hitting them. Eventually, it was simply a case of the right people betting against the ’92 call, that’s it”.

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‘Can’t hang a guy if he’s not well’ – Ch Nisar

Our Execution Correspondent – Taking issue over being “misunderstood” regarding Shafqat Hussain’s execution, Interior Minister Chaudhry Nisar lashed out at the press yesterday, clarifying “for the last time, that Shafqat is not well, that is why his execution was postponed”.

Ch Nisar’s outburst drew long sighs from NGOs, and Hussain’s family, who were led to believe that issues like his age at the time of the crime (15 years) and alleged torture during investigation had made the interior ministry call for a fresh trial.

“When jail officials confirmed that my ministry had rejected the age plea and a fresh death warrant was issued on Thursday, then why the speculation in the media?” Nisar questioned.

Following the press conference, the ministry also issued a formal statement that they were just waiting till Shafqat feels a little better, so they can tie his hands behind his back, put a hood on his face, a noose around his neck, let him hang till it snaps, and that’s that.