KARACHI — Our ‘nomics Correspondent
Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif treated Pakistanis to a development economics novelty while inaugurating the Lahore-Karachi motorway in the port city the other day. His roadmap for Pakistan’s economic takeoff, which has triggered feverish revision of macroeconomic theory, involves connecting distant cities through expensive eight-lane “motorways” to enhance employment, improve wages, and even connect hearts and minds across provinces.
“If this model is applied at the micro level, like Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif has done in the form of jangla busses, this stroke of genius can also reduce inflation, expand the tax net, and overcome energy shortage”, added a visibly excited Ishaq Dar.
Lol @ Darnomics!
The finance minister is known for his own contribution to the realm of development economics, of course.
Experts at the IMF, speaking to Khabristan Today on the condition of anonymity – because of the sensitivity of the matter – explained how Darnomics once threatened give the Third World one smart idea too many.
“He’d have us all clapping when we watched his budget speeches”, he said. “But, always, before the first quarter was out he’d meet us in Dubai and convince us to re-re-revise the deficit target. That was usually between phone calls from his real estate agent regarding his three buildings”.
That, probably, is why the Fund has backed Nawaznomics all the way.
“Best involve the World Bank also, you know, and see some more busses and roads”, the IMF guy added. “It’s a lot better than Third Worlders gulping all the Fund aid and then crying about the deficit”.
M-9 will be completed at a cost of Rs361 billion. Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif calls it his dream.
‘Yes Da’ish wins’, admits Boko Haram chief
NIGERIA — Our Khilafat Correspondent
Boko Haram’s secretariat in Nigeria has quelled speculation about its alleged conversion to Da’ish and formally admitted the oath of allegiance. But, contrary to popular opinion, the move was not prompted by Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s credentials as caliph.
“Well, we tried the best we could to outdo them, you know what I mean?” said BK’s official spokesperson during an exclusive chat with Khabristan Today. “Whenever they killed some minorities we’d make sure to shoot a couple of hundred more just in case.”
But, apparently, Da’ish would then innovate, sometimes crucifying Shi’a, sometimes burning moderate Sunnis, “and they just took the cake by mass-beheading those Copts at the Libyan port”.
Faced with overwhelming evidence, Boko Haram’s shura was reportedly forced to accept Da’ish as superior in establishing “true Shari’a” across the planet.
If you can’t beat ‘em
“Basically, that’s how you climb up the totem pole in the rush for establishing god’s word on Earth”, the head of comparative religions department at Harvard told KT.
The professor believes Boko will now use Da’ish’s flag, and funding, to bring Islamic normalcy to the troubled African continent.
“It’s simple, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, especially if they attract the lion’s share of the riyal politik petro-dollar proxy bonanza!”
‘Sarfraz was sidelined for the country’s good’, admits PCB
LAHORE — Our World Cup Correspondent
Going into the decider against Ireland, PCB bosses told Khabristan Today, in a surprise late night phone call, that the team management deliberately sidelined specialist wicketkeeper-batsman Sarfraz, but it was for the country’s own good.
“You must understand that good performance is not necessarily a good thing in the wider context”, a sleepy Sheheryar Khan said over the phone.
According to his exchange with the operator, which could be overheard over the line, he first thought it was his previous chairmanship, then thought he was due at the Maharaja’s court, then had to be reminded of the purpose of the call.
“And, yes, sometimes good performance tends to give people hope. And it’s just terrible when hope is cruelly dashed”.
Moeen and Waqar
“Do you think I sent Moeen and Waqar there without reason?” he suddenly asked.
And it turns out that Moeen, knowing a thing or two about being a specialist wicketkeeper-batsman himself, was there to make sure Omer Akmal kept dropping catches and missing stumpings.
“Why else would I order the chief selector, and his family, all the way Down Under?” asked the chairman.
And, PCB went on, that was not all. The strategy, which was formed after detailed discussions between politicians, retired bureaucrats, and very rich men, also involved a crucial role for former World Cup captain and acclaimed Sultan of Swing Waqar Younis – whose services have been repaid by allowing his brother to illegally fly a Boeing as a PIA pilot, lest the government seems ungrateful.
“I could’ve taught them to reverse swing in a heartbeat”, Waqar finally told KT, after being forced to talk by the chairman.
“But where would that leave us? Stupid journos like you would have demanded a banana yorker ever other ball – like only I could deliver – and then called us all sorts of names when the boys couldn’t keep up”.
The best option, it was unanimously decided, was engineering a calibrated breakdown.
“It doesn’t hurt when there are no expectations, and I’m winking as I say this”, Khan concluded.
Sarfraz, of course, will have only himself to blame if he continues his good form today. And the last thing he should do is be surprised when he’s axed, implied a secret text exchange with one of the Board’s media people enjoying the South Pacific.