Altaf Bhai Correspondent
Islamabad: Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) Chairman Imran Khan, calling Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) Chief Altaf bhai a sweetheart has parried away all allegations of rigging against bhai. Khan who has taken what is being perceived a rigid stance against rigging in the elections last year, has categorically stated that bhai is as clean as a whistle.
“Bhai doesn’t rig. He’s a sweetheart,” Khan said while talking to Khabaristan Today. “That’s something that the Sharifs do. And trust me bhai is not Sharif,” he added.
A year after PTI’s party workers created hullaballoo against alleged MQM rigging, Khan being chummy with bhai is being deemed suspicious by many a critic. But Khan’s having none of it.
“Together bhai and I would remove rigging from the tarnished electoral history of Pakistan. Together bhai and I would ensure free and fair elections. Together bhai and I would make Naya Pakistan – bhai would take care of Naya Karachi, which like Naya Pakistan won’t be too different from Purana Karachi,” the PTI chairman said.
Bhai has made his feelings clear about what he thinks about the PTI chief’s statement.
“I have repeatedly asked Imran Khan to stay away from me. That man really needs to stop stalking me,” bhai said while talking to Khabaristan Today.
“Yes, I have written a book about love, but Khan is thinking I had him in mind when I wrote it. It was someone else. Let me take this opportunity to clear this misunderstanding,” he added.
According to reports bhai has deleted Khan from Facebook. Sources have revealed that the PTI chief is now using a fake profile to stalk the MQM chairman.
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Just focus on converting singles into doubles, Ahmed Shehzad’s mom tells her son
Cricket Correspondent
Lahore: Cricketer turned evangelist, renowned Islamic sledger and the opening batsman of Pakistan and Lahore Lions, Ahmed Shehzad has been told to stop trying to convert non-Muslims into Muslims and focus instead on converting singles into doubles.
Sources have told Khabaristan Today that Shehzad who is participating in the Champions League T20 (CL T20) received a call late Friday night where he was categorically told to keep his focus in the right place. Reports reveal that it was Shehzad’s mother who had called.
“It’s okay, puttar, if they are non-Muslims, please don’t scare them by threats of hell fire,” Mrs Shehzad told Ahmed Shehzad during the phone call. “It’s not your job to convert non-Muslims to Muslims. But even if you want to pursue that job, do you think threatening with fire is the way to do it?” she asked her clearly disinterested son.
“Yes, I know that you first tell them that no matter what they do in life, if they are Muslim they will go straight to heaven. But is this really the way to preach?” she enquired.
“Who has taught you this? Zakir Nayak? How many times have I asked you not to watch that man’s shows!”
Reports suggest that Ahmed Shehzad didn’t listen at all to his mother and was adamant that his was the right way to preach. Shehzad has promised his friends and fellow evangelists back in Lahore that he would convert at least 20 cricketers participating in the ongoing CLT20.
Despite our best efforts we weren’t able to figure out Shehzad’s strike rate in the tournament so far.
“Just focus on converting singles into doubles. Don’t worry about converting non-Muslims” was Mrs Shehzad’s last message before her son hung up on her, sources told Khabaristan Today.
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iPhone 6 to star in ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ remake
Fruit Correspondent
New York: “We are proud to confirm that our iPhone 6 Plus would be the leading actor in the remake of renowned British movie Bend It Like Beckham,” Apple CEO Tim Cook said while addressing a press conference on Saturday. “We are confident that the iPhone 6 Plus can bend itself more than David Beckham could bend a soccer ball,” he added.
Following the release of iPhone 6 Plus last week, hordes have been queuing up to purchase Apple’s latest offering. The queues multiplied in number when Apple buffs found out about the new iPhone’s bending tricks. It is precisely this trick that has landed Apple a hefty contract for the iPhone 6 Plus to star in the remake of Bend It Like Beckham.
Just like the original movie, the remake would be about a young girl who wants to pursue her dreams. The minor change in the remake would be that instead of playing football for Manchester United or following the footstep of David Beckham, the girl’s dream would be to bend the things that people had paid a lot of money assuming that they wouldn’t bend.
“Basically that young girl along with iPhone 6 Plus would collaborate to break a lot of hearts,” Tim Cook told Khabaristan Today.
