No one noticed, but there has been a huge conspiracy going on against Lahore and Islamabad
People may not have paid much attention, but of late Islamabad and Lahore are starting to eerily resemble Karachi. It’s no secret that people that belong to the city of lights have been moving to both Islamabad and Lahore in droves. While they often cite the unstable and volatile nature of their home planet (ahem, city) as the main reason for the move, we must stop to think whether there is a large sinister scheme at play.
When it rains it pours in Karachi. We have seen the city almost disappear under water like some mythical Atlantis only to have its bridges peeking out from above the water. Karachi either sees no rain, or when it does, the entire city drowns. However, this week it wasn’t Karachi that was doing the drowning, it was Lahore. People’s homes were flooded, their cars were wrecked. Many suffered without electricity while others had trouble wading to one point from another.
How did we get here? How did Lahore turn into Karachi? Who are we to blame? Is the military behind this; perhaps they’re trying some new biological warfare testing that we don’t know about? The only odd thing is that this has never happened before in Lahore. But then, we didn’t have this many Karachiites hiding out in the city. One look at the roads and you can tell how many are here, every third car has a yellow plate.
First the city stopped having electricity problems in many of its areas. We forgave that. They got to enjoy bijli while we lamented another metro bus project that we didn’t need. We got over it somehow; we never learned to appreciate those big red chunks tumbling down the roads. But can we forgive this? They have brought their bad luck with the rains with them and we should not stand it.
Even if we were to pretend that it’s climate change that is at play, and not Karachi’s IDPs that are causing all this problem, the story doesn’t end here. It is common knowledge that each time something goes wrong in the country, any dharnas or strikes are to start with Karachi. You could kill a man in Lahore, the protest had to be conducted in Karachi.
For now we should start with having a chat with both TuQ and Immi ji to move their respective protests into the financial capital of the country. That is where the real work happens; this joke of a procession in Islamabad will get them nowhere. Next we all need to collectively clasp our hands together and pray. Pray that Mother Nature realises that she has been mixing up cities and ruining our very way of life
That’s how things have worked for ages and ages and ages. But lo and behold, instead of heading to Karachi both TuQ and Immi ji ended up in Islamabad. That place isn’t even as happening as Lahore. Pray tell, what are those men doing in the wrong city? What kind of protest is going to convince the city of the dead and the silent to spring into action? If anything, perhaps this is the most excitement Islamabad has seen in years. But of course, I digress.
For real results the political parties dancing around the Red Zone in Islamabad should have instead strangled traffic on I I Chundrigar Road. That is where the magic happens. You shut down that street and boom the economy drops to its death faster than Nawaz Sharif can say nihari. This whole Azadi Inqilab parade business would have taken a few days at best. And of course, the protestors could have helped themselves to the delicious food on Burns Road, instead of having to endure the same tasteless biryani every single day. The beach isn’t too far either, and it’s a much more delightful experience than tourist stuffed Murree.
At the end of the day, the only thing that stands out is that these cities were fine and Karachi could shoulder the mess before Karachiites started moving out of it. Now that they are here, we have to be vigilant; we must not let the tradition of Karachi bring its own change. If anything by orchestrating all this stuff in these cities we are going to make Karachi complacent. It’s for the city’s own good.
For now we should start with having a chat with both TuQ and Immi ji to move their respective protests into the financial capital of the country. That is where the real work happens; this joke of a procession in Islamabad will get them nowhere. Next we all need to collectively clasp our hands together and pray. Pray that Mother Nature realises that she has been mixing up cities and ruining our very way of life.
If all else fails, we must relocate Karachi’s IDPs back to their own city. That should really fix the problem in a speedier fashion.
The write is one of the first Karachi IDPs to arrive in Lahore, and doesn’t like sharing space with other lost Karachiites. To vent out your frustrations, email to [email protected].
