Special Correspondent – Islamabad: “Okay, I did not sign up for this,” said Pakistan’s Prime Minister Dr Mian Muhammad Nawaz Sharif in the late hours of Friday night. He was addressing himself in what is believed to be the most momentous address of his political career.
The attendees of this historic moment included Nawaz Sharif himself, a pair of pillows, a bed sheet, a comforter and the prime minister’s favourite stuffed teddy bear, Phajju, named after Nawaz’s favourite chef. The venue was the prime minister’s bed, in the prime minister’s house – the one that was targeted with iron rods, steel cutters and whatnot.
Five minutes after the prime minister’s eyes shut down, there he was addressing himself, with emotion and passion.
“Okay, I did not sign up for this,” he said while addressing the hordes. “I wanted to enter this house, stay in this room and sleep on this bed, but I did not factor in the other things that come with it,” he admitted.
The prime minister went on to tell the attendees that he did not realise what the tradeoff was.
“No wonder I’ve been woken up from this sleep twice before in my political career,” he told himself. “Getting inside the Prime Minister House is easy, finding the key to this room is easy, sleeping on this comfortable bed is easy, but what is not easy is staying here. I don’t know how people manage to spend five years inside this building,” he wondered.
The prime minister wrapped up his 3 minute 22 second address promising to not repeat his mistakes.
“When I leave this haunted house, I swear I will never try to come back. But I don’t know how long I’ll have to stay here,” the prime minister said.
Despite Khabaristan Today’s constant efforts to contact Phajju, he was not available for comments.
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Empty chairs at PTI dharna strive for recognition
Dharna Correspondent – Islamabad: The most devoted of Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf’s (PTI) followers, the empty chairs that have been supporting the party’s cause for the past 25 days, are still striving for recognition, Khabaristan Today has learnt. The chairs believe that their contribution to the sit-ins has been neglected by the party leadership and that they are not getting the attention that they deserve. Our dharna correspondent caught up with two of the senior most chairs in attendance on Tuesday.
“We have been here since August 13, a day before the Azadi March was supposed to leave Lahore,” the chair told Khabaristan Today on condition of anonymity, “It’s been almost four weeks and no one is recognising our contribution. And we haven’t complained at all. Well not yet anyway,” the chair added.
The chairs went on to add that they weren’t expecting any awards or chants, just mere acknowledgement.
“Well a word from the party chief would have been nice,” the other chair said, also on condition of anonymity. “Most of the time we have been sitting all alone with no sign of a human being on top of us. And the only person who has mentioned us at all is Nawaz Sharif. I thought we were against him!” the chair added.
“It’s just those kind folks at Geo TV who focus their cameras on us even when Imran is on top of his container. They are the only ones giving us any positive coverage,” the first chair said. “Our own party members don’t even like our sight. They’d rather humans sit on top of us, even though we are the ones who have done most of the campaigning,” the chair added.
According to reports a chair mutiny is imminent. Whispers among the party rank suggest that the rebellious chairs will join Javed Hashmi’s yet to be announced PTI faction – Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (B). The B here stands for Baaghi.
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Political crisis scripted by Star Plus director: analyst
Special Correspondent – Lahore: A leading political analyst in the country has revealed the identity of the much touted ‘script writer’ of the ongoing political crisis in the country. According to the analyst, who did not want to talk on record, owing to security concerns, the script writer of the crisis is a famous director who has directed various plays for channels, most notably Star Plus.
“The script is heavily plagiarised,” the analyst said, while talking to Khabaristan Today. “I won’t tell you the name of the director, or the plays but you can see for yourself that a lot of the political drama has been copied from various Indian dramas,” she said.
The analyst went on to suggest that some parts of the political turmoil were virtually identical.
“Like for instance, there is a drama called Kyunke Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. The whole PPP-PML-N love-hate relationship of late seems to be inspired by that drama. You know kyunke government bhi kabhi opposition thi…” the analyst said.
When questioned about the end of the drama, the analyst gave a very ambiguous reply.
“The thing with Star Plus dramas is that they move at an excruciatingly slow pace. Everything is exaggerated and the end is never in sight. So yeah, take your guesses,” she concluded.