PTI’s Crow Movement and other updates
It seems like the capital is going to run short of crows in the coming days as PTI followers begin capturing each black bird that they come across. The initiative will be called the Crow Movement and will be a special part of the civil disobedience campaign. PTI followers that are able to ensure that their crows actually do attack the PML-N supporter or member that they are meant for, could earn big points with the Kaptaan and might have a chance to hang out backstage at the next big PTI concert/protest.
The party has also filed a petition in Lahore High Court to bar PML-N from using their trademark “dekho dekho kon aya, sher aya sher aya” chant in any processions that they take out henceforth. They instead are pushing to force PML-N into using the chant “Jhoot bolay kawa katay, humein kawa kata” as a show of their faith in the democratic process. The captured crows will be released on different members of the PML-N party wherever they may be found in the country.
The problem comes at the onset of fresh backlash that the party is facing because of PM Nawaz Sharif’s confused stance over the COAS’s involvement in the current political turmoil that is plaguing the constitution avenue. As the prestigious road gathers pieces of stool and all manners of garbage, one thing is clear: The country needs a constitution, and preferably a new site to place Constitution Avenue as well. The situation is becoming dire with each passing day as protestors gathering at the venues are running out of perfumes and deodorant sprays to hide the stench around them.
“I came here for a revolution, I just wanted an inqilab, I didn’t know the great Tsunami would just turn into this, this TOILET Tsunami. What kind of a revolution this is!” he screamed before running away in the middle of the comment. Pakistan Today was not able to locate the man for a follow-up on his earlier statements.
In other dharna related news Disney has also vowed to sue Pakistanis for their constant use of Pinocchio imagery to depict different politicians in Pakistan. It has been used to outline PM Nawaz’s statements regarding the COAS taking control, just as easily as it has been used to depict Imran Khan’s constant threats of a deadline which seemingly never materialise into anything.
A representative of Disney went on record while speaking to Pakistan Today and explained the situation, “We know that Pinocchio is a popular character and people often identify with him, but people using him in the current political context are being malicious and downright hurtful in his representation. Pinocchio did whatever he did because he was naïve and didn’t know any better. The politicians in Pakistan on the other hand are deliberately doing whatever it is they’re doing. Therefore, we request, kindly stop using our character before we sue you,” he stated.
Speaking of law suits, judges from the Supreme Court are also pretty angry that no one cared what they were saying or requesting when they asked protestors to clear out, but the very mention of the COAS has everyone shaking in their boots. One of the judges expressed his disdain over the situation under the condition of anonymity, “From the PM to Imran Khan everyone stops and listens to that man with the moustache. I get it, the running joke is that only a COAS with a moustache has staged a coup in Pakistan and I know it’s a good reason to fear this man. But we are the JUDICIARY. Has everyone forgotten the horrible things that we are also capable of? FEAR US,” he said angrily.
Meanwhile sources from the Musharraf camp have been reporting that the former President of Pakistan has been seen frolicking about in his abode. It seems that he hasn’t been in such good spirits since the day he originally dubbed himself President of Pakistan through a historically baffling referendum.
At present it remains unclear whether the current situation can be easily resolved through any means. Earlier this week PM Nawaz Sharif got sick of the entire situation and left the country. President Mamnoon Hussain left long before him and Shahbaz Sharif was away as well while the drama unfolds at the country’s capital. From the kalay kaway to the portable toilets, this Tsunami has taken a turn for the worst. The nation is eagerly awaiting Raheel Sharif to solve a problem that only he has the answers to.
The writer has an obsession with the crows and wants to save them all. If you have any particular one to save, share it at: fraudian.slip@gmail.com