Similarities between Zionism and Islamism

Shocking revelations that would change the way you think about the two extremist ideologies forever – or at least the next ten minutes

It is believed that both Islamism and Zionism are a threat to mankind. It is also believed that any person who recognises the threat of one while ignoring the threat of the other is a threat to mankind as well. Therefore, this column, vying to not become a threat to mankind, would be unearthing some crucial similarities between Zionism and Islamism. This would allow the author to appear neutral, and there is nothing more important for the author than the approval of the two and a half people that seem to value his opinion.

After spending eons studying the two movements, we have compiled a list of all the similarities between Zionism and Islamism. Here are a few shocking revelations that would change the way you think about the two forever – or at least the next ten minutes. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the five similarities between Islamism and Zionism that you would’ve have thought about in your wildest dreams:

1. Both have -ism as their suffix

It took us a lot of time digging this out, but anyone who is still unsure about Zionism and Islamism being two sides of the same coin, look no further. It is no coincidence that both movements have a common suffix. It is probably a hidden code or something that needs to be dug out. And we will extricate it. Just give us some time please.

2. Both use religious identity

Okay, now we are getting closer. Zionism uses the Jewish religious identity. Islamism uses the Muslim religious identity. This basically means that both movements are driven by religion. However, there were a few minor details that we managed to sidestep to make this hypothesis more unambiguous.

3. Both originated in the Middle East

If you still have a doubt about the correlation and commonalities between Zionism and Islamism, just take a look at the startling fact that both these movements have their origin in the Middle East. Zionism has its origins in the land that is now called Israel, while Islamism has its origin in the rest of the Middle East. Kicking off from the same place, both the movements have only one goal in mind…

4. Both are abhorred by Marxists

If you want to find out the commonalities between movements, just figure out who they pinch in unison. We don’t have to look beyond Marxists. They condemn both Islamism and Zionism wholeheartedly and are at the forefront of making comparisons between the two movements as well.

We tried to contact a few leading Marxists for this essay on comparisons between Zionism and Islamism, but no one replied. That’s when we realised that Marxism has the suffix –ism as well.

5. Both are activists’ goldmine

Whether it is social media activism or real life protests in a country far far away, protesting against either one of them gets you a lot of attention. Not so surprisingly, our extensive study found out that people who condemn both rank higher on activist PR. What is even less surprising is the fact that if you condemn both in unison, your activist PR skyrockets to a whole new realm.

Now that you know about these similarities just do the right thing and spread awareness as much as possible. You see those social media like counters on the top left corner of the screen? The numbers wouldn’t increase on their own.

Also, remember that one like is equal to one prayer for the victims of Islamism and Zionism.

The writer is against all kinds of –isms, including prisms, especially the really colourful ones. All side-effects of reading The Horizontal Column are the readers’ headache.