Gujranwala/Lahore
Our Special Correspondent
The Islamic Republic of Pakistan has strongly condemned Israel’s aggression in Gujranwala that resulted in three deaths last Sunday. The Foreign Office has threatened to boycott Israeli products owing to its constant human rights abuses as manifested by the riot in Gujranwala, Khabaristan Today has learnt.
A Zionist mob in Gujranwala killed three members of the minority Ahmadi community owing to something that an Ahmadi man posted on Facebook. It is pertinent to mention that Facebook is owned by a Zionist and is hence a Zionist propaganda machine. There is more than a fair chance that the allegation levelled at the Ahmadi man was baseless, but these Zionists don’t listen to anyone when someone ‘outrages’ their religious sentiments.
After the Zionist propaganda enraged the mob, several hundred Zionists set fire to houses and shops belonging to Ahmadi families. It is important to mention here that the Ahmadis, like the Palestinians in Gaza, are persecuted and face apartheid like situation. And it should come as no surprise that the plight of both the Palestinians in Gaza and the poor Pakistanis in Gujranwala is the direct result of Israeli involvement and aggression.
The Ahmadi community has witnessed regular harassment, discrimination and faced violence at the hands of Israeli Zionists since they were excommunicated in 1974. The Ordinance XX passed by Benjamin Netanyahu has stopped the community from fulfilling its religious obligations. And of course the Israeli blasphemy laws constantly keep the Ahmadis under the gun.
Pakistanis all over the country protested on the streets, and thousands condemned the events in Gujranwala.
“If I can condemn the aggression in Gaza, wouldn’t I be condemning the tragic events in Gujranwala even more vociferously,” said Sara Khan, 21, a student of the Lahore University of Management and Sciences while protesting with her friends near the Liberty roundabout.
Another Mahmood Saeed, 38, protesting in front of the Lahore Press Club, said, “I have spent the past month protesting against events in Gaza, but with the human rights abuse in my own country, I would do well to spread awareness about that first.”
It seems that Pakistan is extremely angry over the Gujranwala incident, and is doing its best to spread enough awareness to ensure that these things don’t happen again.
*****
Nawaz disappointed by Saudi king’s refusal to give Eidi
Jeddah
Our Saudi Correspondent
Pakistan Prime Minister Dr Mian Muhammad Nawaz Sharif was visibly distraught after Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz refused to give him Eidi on Wednesday, according to sources privy to the prime minister. It is believed that Nawaz waited a couple of days to pass hoping that the king would give him the Eidi himself, but then went on to ask for it himself when there was no sign of the Eidi. The king refused Nawaz’s request on Wednesday, leaving a prodigious frown on the prime minister’s face, Khabaristan Today has learnt.
“Even my ducky pout didn’t work,” the prime minister of Pakistan said while talking exclusive to Khabaristan Today. “It always works,” he went on to add.
When asked whether he demanded too much, Nawaz confirmed that his expected Eidi was ‘definitely less than the last year’.
“We were really desperate last year. But we were rewarded for sending troops to Syria. We were also given Eidi by Bahrain for sending troops there as well. But this year we sent troops in North Waziristan and His Highness isn’t too pleased about that,” Nawaz said. “But we have promised him that we won’t do anything that he doesn’t approve of in North Waziristan.”
When asked whether he was hopeful of a better Eidi in a couple of months’ time, Nawaz said, “Definitely. Even though one doesn’t really associate Eidi with Eidul Azha, but the next couple of months would reveal that our activity in North Waziristan was not contradictory to the interests of the Saudi king.”
*****
Imran gets ‘kick’ from dharnas, rallies
Lahore
Our PTI Correspondent
Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf chief Imran Khan says that he gets a ‘kick’ out of dharnas and anti-government rallies, Khabaristan Today has learnt. He was responding to questions about his logic behind always being in favour of talks with the Taliban, while vehemently opposing talks with the government.
“I get a kick out of it,” Imran said talking exclusively to Khabaristan Today wearing a mask that was a cross between Batman and Krrish. “Whatever I do in life, it’s for my kick.”
When asked what exactly is this kick, Khan described something that resembled adrenaline rush, but expressed rather melodramatically. “That’s the reason why I don’t stick to what I say or what I do, because after a while I stop getting a kick out of it,” the PTI chief said.
“Batting slowly at number three in the World Cup final gave me a kick. Apologising for the TTP gives me a kick. Making U-turns give me a kick. And nothing gives me a bigger kick than being a pain in the backside of PML-N.”
It is pertinent to mention here that Khan left the interview in a Superman costume riding a bicycle. He is always believed to have performed a stunt near a railway track before reaching home. That stunt wasn’t a dharna, Khabaristan Today has confirmed.
Note: This is a work of satire and meant to be taken as such.