Are you human?

Life can be just so beautiful if we stop complicating it

“Jeevan me ziada rishte hona zaroori nahi hai, par jo rishte hain un me jeevan hona zaroori hai,” says my friend Harbir Singh Suri.

How many of us appreciate the spirit behind the words here that most of us must have heard in one form or the other? Dead relationships, even among those who may have spent lives together growing up; cousins, siblings… can grow apart with time. There can be just so many reasons. Rivalry since young days, resentment buried low in the psyche when young, only to bloom at a later stage. Spouses of young ones now old… becoming part of the family circle and not quite fitting in with the fabric of their new family. Then of course, as people grow up they develop on different tangents. Some just retard or fail to develop at all in terms of mental growth. In case of people growing in two different directions, amongst friends… they tend to drift apart. In case of Pakistani marriages this may happen in many a case with wives relegated to the house work and men developing in their careers.

When do we stop listening to our parents’ beseeching eyes and close our ears to their silence that questions us? The eyes that beseech attention? When do we stop taking time out for those who cannot be a stair to our travel to success? Those ‘poor relatives’ one would rather avoid even if face to face at weddings or deaths?

Oh yes, it is just so easy to justify being mean. So easy to become part of encouraging that meanness. At the end of the day, is it worthwhile to sit around gossiping about it at the cost of deep pain and hurt inflicted upon someone? The hurt inflicted can be irreparable. However, if you are one of those who enjoy being party to inflict hurt upon others; frankly you need a life. In addition, you need some growing up to do! It normal lingo, it’s called maturity.

Life can be just so beautiful if we stop complicating it.

We need to put away our phones and give time to those with us and who need our attention. Stop for a second and give the most precious thing to those who love us; our time! I read this most beautiful story on net somewhere that I am reproducing;

“A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

Son: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

Dad: “Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.

Son: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”

Dad: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

Son: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”

Dad: “If you must know, I make Rs100 an hour.”

Son: “Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.

Son: “Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?”

We need to put away our phones and give time to those with us and who need our attention. Stop for a second and give the most precious thing to those who love us.

The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room. The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door. “Are you asleep, son?” He asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy. “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier” said the man. Here’s the Rs50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you daddy!” He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. “Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the father grumbled. “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have Rs100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

A reminder to all of us working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

So when Harbir Singh Suri tweeted me the message “‘Jeevan me jyada rishte hona zaroori nahi hai…..par jo rishte hai unme jeevan hona zaroori hai…” I was quiet. It reminded me of the light gone out from so many relationships I have known, so much meanness that creeps in the relationships that poison the chalice.

Taking any relationship for granted is the foolishness of the highest order. Relationships need nurturing. They need being looked after. You cannot plant a cactus and expect a rose to bloom in its stead. Small acts of affection, showing that you care, being there when needed, reaching out.

One makes friends. Or find one in a spouse, a sibling, a cousin, a colleague… but no one can deny the beauty of a friendship. The tears you can show a friend, the honesty in that relationship that is purely voluntary. As a Sicilian proverb says, “Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”

Maybe the day Pakistan Today carries this piece, it will be Eid. Or it will be Eid the next day. When you go visiting family on Eid lunches and dinners, take time out to go to the room of that elderly relative who cannot come out to the feast table to partake of the delicacies offered.

This week, therefore, I opted to write on human values, the relationships that form a life’s pattern of colors. Not on politics and not on all the issues columnists churn out views about week after week. There is something more important than that; it forms the very base of all relationships; the humanity within the relationships; that my friends is the value of relationships. Different kinds of relationships. Friendships should be celebrated. Relationships cherished.

Be charitable. Will you?

If one fails to act charitably and with generosity as far as our time is concerned, the question that arises is, “Are you human?”