Karachi – Our Special Correspondent: A ‘Best of Sunny Leone’ CD was found at Jinnah International Airport on Monday a day after the terrorist attack on the airport, Khabaristan Today has learnt. Experts believe that the CD further strengthens the suspicion that India was involved in the Karachi airport attack.
Interior Minister Chaudhry Nisar believes that Sunny Leone’s presence confirms India’s hand in attacks. “The Sunny Leone CD confirms what I have been saying all along, that a foreign hand was behind the Karachi attack. Now do I really have to name the hand now that we have the CD?” Nisar said while talking to Khabaristan Today. “I have been saying for months that my brothers, the Taliban, cannot do such a thing and now it is confirmed that Sunny Leone and her country are the true terrorists. Taliban’s name is just being used to malign Islam,” Nisar added.
Information Minister Pervaiz Rashid unveiled India’s actual plot.
“It is in the best interests of India to terrorise Pakistan and wants an Islamist regime in Islamabad. TTP taking over Pakistan is in India’s best interests. Modi wants Islamism in the Indian subcontinent,” he said.
Senior journalist Talat Hussain was seen dancing with joy when he was told about the CD.
“I knew it! I knew it! Well I did not actually know it, but I had to pretend that I did. Obviously Sunny is an Indian agent and the CD confirms the suspicions of a lot of people,” he said.
When asked about the possibility of the CD being the possession of a Pakistani, Hussain said, “Well do you think Fazlullah would carry a Best of Sunny Leone CD around with him? What nonsense! I mean sure he might enjoy bits and pieces in his alone time, but he would not carry it around in his pocket while carrying out a terrorist attack.”
Sunny Leone could not be reached despite being called multiple times for questions by our correspondent.
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Still can’t believe someone else could terrorise my Karachi: Altaf Bhai
Karachi – Our Altaf Bhai Correspondent: Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) Chief Altaf Bhai was in tears after being told that terrorists had taken over Jinnah International Airport according to sources privy to Bhai. Bhai was distraught and in disbelief that someone else could terrorist his city, sources told Khabaristan Today.
“I cannot believe it. Not only does someone else do my job, but they do it in such a way that it is completely out of my league,” Altaf Bhai said adding that, “We have had our targeted killings, the boris and whatnot, but to see someone else take over an international airport in my hometown is painful to watch.”
Bhai believed that the attack had thrown down the gauntlet to him and MQM.
“I have been clamouring for secularism, despite having nothing to do with secularism because I never wanted mullah terrorists taking over my space. And that is precisely what has happened now,” Bhai said.
“We are going to take the Karachi airport attack as a challenge, and see if we can go one better,” he concluded.
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Wednesday’s drone attack most popular strike of all time: report
North Waziristan – Our Drone Correspondent: According to a report titled, “Stop Whining about Drones” released yesterday, Wednesday’s drone strike that hit a Haqqani network compound near Miranshah was the most popular drone strike of all time. The report says that no drone strike had ever received such a positive response in the history of drone strikes.
The author of the report, who prefers to remain anonymous because of the general negative perception of drone strikes, said, “I think people are generally growing tired of all the nonsense that has been said about drone strikes over the past few years. We went six months without any drone strikes, to facilitate the so-called negotiations, and yet there was no reduction in terrorism.”
The author believed that the Karachi attack had proved to be the differential.
“Drones cause significantly less collateral damage than airstrikes. There is basically no better way to curb the militants. This latest drone strike happened three days after the Karachi incident, which in a way has changed the perception about drones at least for the foreseeable future,” she added.
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Mush’s name removed from ECL in time for FIFA World Cup knockout stage
Karachi – Our Sports Correspondent: Former President and Chief of Army Staff General (retd) Pervez Musharraf’s name has been removed from the Exit Control List (ECL) by the Sindh High Court (SHC) just in time for the FIFA World Cup knockout stages. SHC’s verdict came on Thursday, June 12, saying that Musharraf could leave in 15 days. It is pertinent to mention here that the Knockout Stage (Round of 16) starts on June 28, and would feature the team that tops Group A, which is expected to be Brazil.
Musharraf is a huge fan of Brazil and can’t wait to see Neymar in action again. Talking exclusively to Khabaristan Today following Brazil’s opening match against Croatia, he said, “Brazil’s win over Croatia has basically sealed the group for them. Thankfully the SHC has given its verdict in my favour and now I can watch Brazil live on 28th taking on either Spain or Holland.”
It is important to mention here that the court reserves the right to throw Musharraf’s name back in the ECL should Brazil fail to qualify for the next round.
“Oscar and Neymar will ensure that it does not happen,” the former president of Pakistan said.
Note: This is a work of satire and meant to be taken as such.
