New Delhi – Our Special Correspondent: In their first bilateral meeting Modi sarkaar and Moody sarkaar struck a pragmatic note, by accusing each other of terrorism in each other’s territory, sources told Khabaristan Today. Modi sarkaar accused Moody sarkaar of being involved in Mumbai attacks, which the latter denied, claiming he had not been to Mumbai “in ages”. Moody however returned the favour by accusing Modi of laying the foundation of his successful election campaign on anti-Pakistan rhetoric, to which the Indian prime minister replied, “No shit Sherlock”. The Pakistan prime minister has since asked Federal Information Minister Pervaiz Rashid to find out who this Sherlock bloke is. Sources privy to the information ministry reveals that Rashid is believed to be on the verge of starting the third season.
Modi underlining New Delhi’s concerns related to terrorism asked Islamabad to “abide by its commitments” with regards to preventing the use of its territory as a hub of terroristic activity. Moody denies ever making such commitments and asked Modi to read up a bit more on the government-Taliban talks going on in Pakistan, to keep him abreast of what is actually going on.
Modi then asked Moody to take “necessary steps” for the 26/11 trial in Islamabad, to which Moody said that he had no idea what the two numbers signified. Later, after a crunch meeting with his entourage it was discovered that 26 and 11 when added up make 37 which is the number of balls star all-rounder Shahid Afridi took to strike the then world record fastest century that catapulted him to fame. According to reports Moody has promised Modi that he would do his best to keep Afridi under control in Indo-Pak matchups.
“No two nations have ever possessed so much of cultural and traditional similarities as India and Pakistan. Both the nations enjoy pathetic Bollywood movies, waste unfathomable amount of time watching cricket, we are all bigoted to the core, xenophobic, jingoistic and whatnot. Why not turn the similarities into our strength?” Moody said in a press conference.
He also asked his Indian counterpart to “do something” about Pakistani players not being invited to play in the Indian Premier League, which remains the biggest bone of contention between the two countries. “Despite the absence of Pakistani players, we are still religiously following the IPL in Pakistan, it is now up to India to reciprocate the gesture and invite our players to play in the IPL,” Moody told the press conference.
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Tolerance certificate made mandatory for Pakistanis travelling abroad
Islamabad – Health Correspondent: All Pakistani travellers going abroad will be required to carry a valid tolerance vaccination certificate from tomorrow, June 1, 2014, onwards, a joint statement from the World Health Organisation (WHO) and the health ministry said on Thursday. It is pertinent to mention here that the WHO’s International Tolerance Regulatory Emergency Committee, last month, suggested a pre-travel condition on Pakistanis to curtail the transfer of intolerance virus in other countries.
According to reports, the WHO is keen on ensuring that all Pakistani travellers take tolerance drops so that the intolerance virus doesn’t spread globally. The Organisation said it was merely a safety precaution to ensure the safety of, among other communities, Ahmadis and Shia whose lives were the first to come under jeopardy through the spread of the intolerance virus.
The health ministry has said that getting the tolerance certificate would not be too difficult and it would require a simple test. Few sample tests would include:
a) Querying the applicant on the merits and demerits of the blasphemy law, and whether or not the person posing the query remains alive in the aftermath of the test.
b) Monitoring the applicant’s reaction after hearing the term “Ahmadi Muslim”
c) A Yes/No question: Are the Shia kafirs?
d) Asking the applicant whether torching or destroying temples is a noble deed.
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Lahore High Court among safest places to commit crime in the city: survey
Lahore – Our Crime Correspondent: According to a survey conducted by the All Lahore Criminals Association (ALCA), the Lahore High Court (LHC) is one of the safest places to commit a crime. The survey highlighted that if the crime was committed in the name of religion or honour, its safety increased by manifold. The ALCA predicted that the chances of any law enforcement people taking any action if such a crime was committed was minimal and that most people would just stand and watch the whole thing unravel.
The ALCA chairman, while taking to Khabaristan Today said, “One would think that committing a crime outside a court, you know a place where criminals are ostensibly prosecuted, would be impossible, but our research suggests otherwise.” He went on to add that one merely had to have a religious or ‘honour’ subplot and the crime was good to go.
