New law outlawing its own criticism found ridiculous


Islamabad – Our Special Correspondent: A new law tabled in the Senate yesterday received a massive backlash after it was found that criticising the law would be akin to committing the crime that the law wants to protect, Khabaristan Today has learnt. The draft for the proposed law was formulated by a committee that was headed by Law and Parliamentary Affairs Minister Rana Sanaullah Khan. He told the Senate about the law’s salient features and said that the government would enforce it via an ordinance after inputs from everyone concerned was factored in. Following this the law minister became the butt of ridicule – and Punjabi expletives – because no one could understand how criticising a law could connote its violation.

An opposition leader on condition of anonymity told Khabaristan Today that “the government believes the law is pretty important and alright, considering the country we live in I can understand why. But if you outlaw the criticism of a law, any law, how on earth can you even think about getting justice?”

Another Senator believed that the law would be misused to target one’s enemies and that no law should be above criticism. “The law treads on an extremely fine line and could easily be misinterpreted. This is precisely why it is important to make sure that there is proper critique to ensure that the law does not cause any injustice,” she said.

Law Minister Rana Sanaullah, speaking exclusively to Khabaristan Today, said, “I would make sure that this law is sanctioned because my political allies want it that way,” finishing that particular sentence humming the famous Backstreet Boys track. When asked what it was that the law’s opponents didn’t like, Sanaullah said, “I cannot tell you that, since that would mean violating the law that I want to implement.”


Bloody hell I miss drones: Imran Khan

Peshawar – Our IK correspondent: Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaaf (PTI) Chairman yelled, “Bloody hell, I miss drones” in his dream last night, nosy sources told Khabaristan Today. It is believed that while having a conversation with himself – a practice the PTI chief carries out in the real world as well – during his dream, Khan told himself that he really misses drones a lot, and has no one to blame for his political booboos now. After listening intently to Khan, the only person Imran Khan ever listens to properly, Khan told himself that he was stating the obvious.

It is believed that the conversation involved terrorism, Taliban, failed talks, security situation in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, Geo, ISI, a 21-year-old girl, today’s bizarre rally and Tahirul Qadri. Khan told himself that if he blamed anything wrong in the country these days to drone strikes, it would be ridiculous even by his own standards considering there hasn’t been a single drone strike in the country in 2014. Protesting against last year’s elections, you know the same ones which gave him the mandate of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, was hence the only thing he could make an issue about, he told himself.

“Well, I am no longer interested in KP’s mandate. Things have gone out of hand, I hope you realise that. Bring on Tsunami 2.0!” Khan told Khan rather decisively.


Pakistani mobile consumer wonders if he can still send missed calls after 3G

Lahore – Our Technology Correspondent: A Pakistani mobile consumer was caught wondering whether he would be able to send missed calls to his contacts now that there is 3G and 4G technology in the country, sources privy to Khabaristan Today revealed. The man did this act of wondering while sending his 214th missed call of the day – this one was to his barber. It is worth mentioning here that a missed call by the barber in return would have meant that he is free and available.

Ever since the 3G hullabaloo has engulfed Pakistan, the mobile consumer has been worrying whether his primary activity on mobile phones would come in any jeopardy now that there is new technology in the country. According to latest reports the man is relentlessly hoping against hope that 3G technology does not do anything to missed calls.


Second pair of twins most pleasant surprise since facing Roddick in Grand Slam finals: Federer

Madrid – Our Tennis Correspondent: 17-time majors champion Roger Federer has become a father again, after wife Mirka Federer gave birth to twins again. Already father to twin daughters, Federer’s mixed double matchup was completed after two twin sons were born this time around. Talking exclusively to Khabaristan Today, the Swiss maestro revealed his excitement.

“I am absolutely over the moon. I did not expect this at all,” Federer said seeming more human than in most of his Grand Slam trophy accepting speeches. “It is one of the biggest, one of the most pleasant surprises of my life. It is quite possibly the most pleasant surprise I have had since facing Andy Roddick in Grand Slam finals,” he added.

“I mean of course the slump in the level of tennis players – that is my competition – was obvious between 2003 and 2007, but I could never believe that someone like Roddick would be making major finals and wining one as well,” Federer said with a massive smile on his face. “Having a second pair of twins ranks right up there with playing against Andy,” he concluded.


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