Pakistan finally grants India My Fickle Neighbour (MFN) status

Our Foreign Policy Correspondent – Islamabad: The government of Pakistan has finally decided to grant India the long awaited My Fickle Neighbour (MFN) status, the Foreign Office (FO) confirmed on Thursday. The move comes after eons of deliberations amidst antagonism from the ‘Aman ki Asha’ brigade, who believe that both India and Pakistan should focus on building harmonious ties. However, sources privy to our correspondent on condition of anonymity revealed that both Aman and Asha support Pakistan government’s move. It is pertinent to mention here that India had already granted Pakistan the My Fickle Neighbour status after the 1993 Mumbai blast.

According to sources within the FO the move to grant India the My Fickle Neighbour status has come following the “verbal mudslinging echoing from the eastern neighbourhood”, amidst the ongoing elections in India. “The Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) and (Narendra) Modi’s nonsense recently has obviously escalated the process,” a Foreign Office official told this scribe on condition of anonymity. “Congress has joined in as well. I mean with all the bigoted, xenophobic, jingoistic jibes, the Indians sound almost as fickle as Pakistan,” she added.

Other sources also suggest that the verbal feud between Pakistan Interior Minister Chaudhry Nisar Ali Khan and BJP spokesperson Meenakshi Lekhi has also accelerated the process. Chaudhary Nisar had earlier stated that Modi’s election as Indian prime minister would destabilise the region.

“Lekhi might have had a point in, you know, asking us to mind our own business, but where does Dawood Ibrahim come into the equation? What next? Will they start bringing up Mumbai attacks the next time we beat them in a cricket match?” another FO official asked. “So it makes all the sense in the world, and the timing is appropriate to finally, officially, dub India our fickle neighbour,” he added.

When asked whether the decision to grant India the MFN status was dependent on who gets elected, and if it was only applicable if Modi wins the election, there was consensus in the Foreign Office. “They are all the same when it comes to Pakistan,” it was unanimously concluded.

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Geo to be banned for broadcasting Misbahul Haq tribute

Our Media Correspondent – Karachi: Pakistan’s biggest news channel Geo TV has been under scrutiny recently following its recent tussle with the Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI). The way it launched accusations against the Director General (DG) ISI has been considered treasonous and the channel has already been banned from Army messes all over the country and many cantonments. However, Geo is showing no intent of stepping away from its treasonous path. On Wednesday it aired another anti-Pakistan documentary, a tribute to national cricket team’s captain Misbahul Haq, which will finally see the channel banned in Pakistan.

“At a time when it is in the best interests of the country that Shahid Afridi becomes the captain, the anti-Pakistan channel Geo is paying tribute to anti-Pakistan cricketer Misbahul Haq just because he broke records in the past year and has been nominated as the ICC Player of the Year,” an ISPR statement read. “It is in the best interest of Pakistan that both Geo and Misbah are banned for life,” it further added.

Former DG ISI Hameed Gul also echoed those claims and has asked the pro-India duo of Geo and Misbah to be banned immediately. “Just compare the strike rates of Misbah and Afridi. If we want to improve on our record of never having beaten India in meaningful encounters Boom Boom should be made captain,” he said.

Another army general at GHQ had a diplomatic take on the situation, but chose to praise the performance of Shahid Afridi in safeguarding Pakistan. “Afridi is Pakistan’s pride and it is the responsibility of all Pakistanis to extol him as a national hero. And considering the external and internal threats to the country he is undoubtedly the best choice to captain the national side,” said the general.

According to sources that preferred to live than reveal their name, Geo will be banned soon for airing the anti-Pakistan tribute to Misbahul Haq

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Nawaz vows to provide gas to Balochistan, ice to Gilgit

Our Staff Reporter – Islamabad: Pakistan Prime Minister Dr Mian Muhammad Nawaz Sharif has asked the Petroleum and Natural Resources ministry to provide natural gas to Balochistan as soon as possible, and has followed this up by asking the Snow and Ice ministry to provide ice cubes to Gilgit-Baltistan, Khabaristan Today has learnt.

Speaking exclusively to Khabaristan Today, the prime minister said, “We are fully aware of all the problems in Balochistan and the severe shortage of gas in the province is undoubtedly the biggest problem. We want a solution to this issue as soon as possible and the necessary steps will be taken to transfer gas from the gas-rich provinces to Balochistan. Ditto for Gilgit-Baltistan. Containers of ice cubes will be sent to the region as early as possible.”

It is pertinent to mention here that both the regions of Balochistan and Gilgit-Baltistan have been in the news over the past few years owing to a plethora of problems and turmoil. One must give credit to the prime minister for not only earmarking the biggest issues in the respective regions but coming up with the solutions immediately as well.

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Jose Mourinho blames bus driver for Champions League exit

Our Football Correspondent – London: Chelsea Manager Jose Mourinho has blamed the team’s bus driver for the UEFA Champions League semifinal loss against Atletico Madrid in a press conference. After getting a hard fought 0-0 draw in Madrid in the first leg, Chelsea were favourites to qualify for the final. However, the team’s start player, the bus driver failed to perform and was highlighted as the principal culprit by the manager in the press conference.

“Just look at our first half performance. Once we had taken the lead through (Fernando) Torres, it was the bus driver’s job to ensure that we hung on to that lead. However, not only did he delay parking the car, he parked it in all the wrong areas. And when there was no need for that bus, he refused to take if off the pitch,” Mourinho said. “Our star player let us down in the biggest game of the season, but maybe he was a little tired after all the hard work he put in the match winning performance against Liverpool on Sunday,” he added.

Mourinho has always relied on his bus driver for success in Portugal, England, Italy and Spain and he is his go-to player in big games. Maybe the tiring performance on Sunday took its toll on Mourinho’s key player.