Six left bigoted, 12 brainwashed
Lahore – Our Lahore Correspondent: Radical militant group Tehrike Sahafiyaan Pakistan (TSP) continuing its violent manoeuvres in the country targeted innocent citizens once again in Lahore, leaving six bigoted and 12 brainwashed in its latest attack on Monday. This is believed to be in response to the recent attack on a TV anchor, which was perceived as a direct attack on journalism in Pakistan. It is worth mentioning that ever since media got its freedom just over a decade ago, millions have been targeted by extremist journalistic groups like the TSP and with hundreds of thousands being converted to xenophobes and brainwashed.
The latest attack on innocent citizens in Township was conjured by the anti-India faction of the TSP, belonging to the Zaid Hamidian school of thought. This attack included explosions of jingoism, xenophobia and a blitzkrieg of bigotry. Onlookers revealed that the victims were on their way to Cinestar movie cinema to watch the latest Bollywood movie 2 States, when the Hamidians attacked them with their arsenal.
“They were shouting chants of Bollywood murdabad,” an eye witness told Khabaristan Today. “One of the terrorists grabbed one of the victims and said, “the only two states you should be interested in are India and Pakistan, and know where your loyalty lies”, the eyewitness added.
The TSP, especially the Hamidian faction, wants an end to the screening of Bollywood movies in Pakistan, and it is believed that until their wish is granted they would continue to attack innocent citizens in the country.
Radical media persons target critic in Karachi
Karachi – Our Karachi Correspondent: Radical media persons, believed to be linked with the Tehrike Sahafiyaan Pakistan (TSP), targeted their critic near the airport on Tuesday, Khabaristan Today has learnt. The critic had just landed in Karachi and was on his way to the hotel, when the media persons targeted him with deadly pens leaving inkblots on his body. Six pen shots were fired directly at the critic and it is a miracle that he survived.
However, in an interesting turn of events, the critic had earlier told his fellows that in case he is ever targeted he would blame the TSP head for the attack. This has made the entire episode very interesting, with verdicts being given left, right and centre without any proper investigation. It is worth mentioning here, the TSP is known to attack its critics with the deadliest pens, inks, highlighters and erasers. In some cases victims have often seen to suffer from paper cuts as well.
Ex-COAS meets former president, APML chief and a prisoner
Karachi – Our Mushy Correspondent: Former Chief of Army Staff General (Retd) Pervez Musharraf had a meeting with former president of Pakistan Pervez Musharraf, All Pakistan Muslim League (APML) Chief Pervez Musharraf and Pervez Musharraf, a prisoner who has recently been moved to Karachi, and is under trial for treason. The meeting took place in the former army chief’s imagination, sources privy to Khabaristan Today revealed.
In an hour-long discussion between the four individuals, various important issues came to the fore. They shared their regrets and reasons for rejoice, quite often playing the blame game, as the attendees poured their hearts out in front of one another. Former president Musharraf accused the ex-COAS Musharraf of taking off his uniform in an untimely fashion, an accusation that had no sensuous connotation whatsoever. President Musharraf believed that the removal of the army uniform directly impacted his clout as the president of Pakistan, and in turn became the primary reason behind his political downfall.
Musharraf the prisoner blamed APML chief Musharraf for reading too much into Facebook likes and believing that he could come back and win the elections last year by landslide. The prisoner Musharraf believed that the APML chief Musharraf’s folly was directly responsible for his arrest. The prisoner Musharraf also believed that if the APML chief Musharraf had been smart enough to steer clear of the democratic process and stayed abroad, he would still be venerated as the greatest thing to have happened to Pakistan over the past couple of decades, since the Key Performance Index (KPI) numbers – among others – are prodigiously tilted in his favour.
Akbar Bugti, Balochistan and procrastination over Lal Masjid were also mentioned in the meeting that abruptly ended after the door of former army chief Pervez Musharraf’s room was knocked at breakfast time.
Mubasher Lucman voted the ‘Proudest Pakistani Ever’
Karachi – Our Media Correspondent: Renowned TV anchor Mubasher Lucman was voted the ‘Proudest Pakistani Ever’ on Thursday in a massive survey. The survey took place in Lucman’s drawing room with all of his family and friends voting for the person they believed to be the biggest patriot Pakistan has ever seen. Those friends and family members who could not physically attend the voting session, voted through Facebook, Twitter, Skype and WhatsApp.
As the votes poured in, Mubasher Lucman won by an overwhelming majority, vanquishing all but two votes that were cast. Lucman dedicated this victory to his friends and family without whom, “this moment would not have been possible”.
“I would like to thank my friends and family, thanks to whom I have won the biggest award of my life,” Lucman said in his award acceptance speech. “The competition was tough, but I think my dedication as a proud Pakistani over the past few years has yielded the desired result,” he added.
