Car queue from Lahore CNG station to Gujranwala breaks Guinness World Record

Lahore – Our World Records Correspondent: A 94 kilometre long queue of vehicles from Total CNG Station on MM Alam Road Lahore to Gujranwala Cantt has broken the Guinness World Record for the longest car queue ever recorded in human history. The queue has shattered the previously held record by China, where 62 kilometre of traffic was the longest recorded queue in history until last week.

This is another feather in the cap of the Punjab government and Chief Minister Mian Muhammad Shahbaz Sharif, who had earlier overseen 33 records being broken in the Punjab Youth Festival. The record breaking spree was ranked second in Khabaristan Today’s list of top 10 achievements by Pakistan in the first quarter of the year 2014, behind the $2.25 billion “gift” received from Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. However, unlike 32 of the 33 Guinness records broken under the auspices of the Punjab government, the longest car queue record has officially been recognised by Guinness World Records.

The 24,103 cars and their drivers who have etched their names in history began queuing up as soon as the new CNG schedule was announced for April 1 onwards. “I thought the energy ministry had come up with the biggest April Fool’s Day prank of modern times by announcing the new CNG schedule,” said a driver feeling stranded on Multan Road. “And it is still a long way to go before I figure out whether that is really the case or not,” he added.

Another driver queued up on near the outskirts of Gujranwala, on condition of anonymity told Khabaristan Today, “I live at a walking distance from the Total CNG Station on MM Alam Road but was told to queue up behind the cars that had reached the station before me. And for that I had to drive all the way to Gujranwala,” he said, adding that, “I had to get CNG at all costs, and the new CNG schedule has made it impossible to get gas on time. However, seeing all these cars queued up behind me does give me a reason to rejoice.”

A man whose Suzuki Mehran was fourth in this growing queue of 24,103 cars told Khabaristan Today that he was a professional “CNG escort”. “I get CNG for cars. This is what I do for a living. I have studied CNG queues all my life, and my survey of regional stations helps me plot CNG filling strategies. I work both as a consultant and an escort. The 10 pm to 4 pm CNG schedule means that everyone who has a life to live and cannot afford to pay Rs 109 per litre for petrol, needs CNG escorts. Here is my card,” he said, giving our correspondent his visiting card.

The record breaking CNG car queue that has blocked traffic in Gulberg, near Firdos Market, around Cavalry Ground and Kalma Underpass all the way to Thokar Niaz Baig, continues to make Pakistan proud. Talking exclusively to Khabaristan Today, Shehbaz Sharif said, “We are proud of these 24,103 patriotic Pakistanis who have not cared about the heat or the time that they have stood in the queue. Their dedication is commendable. Pakistan zindabad!”

Altaf bhai wants ‘Teen Talwar’ as identification mark on new ID card

London – Our Altaf Bhai Correspondent: The Mutahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) chief Altaf Bhai has reportedly applied for a Pakistani passport, Khabaristan Today has learnt. Our correspondent has been told that Altaf Bhai has contacted the High Commission in London regarding his application for a Pakistani passport. Altaf Bhai, whose British passport is all shiny and brand new, also needs to renew his ID card, if he wants to get a new Pakistani passport. It is worth mentioning here that Altaf Bhai’s previous passport was issued in 1991.

According to reports there has been a slight problem for Altaf Bhai as he looks to get a brand new ID card made as well. The MQM chief wants a couple of changes in his existing ID card in addition to the expiry date and address.

Altaf Bhai wants ‘Teel Talwaar’ as his shanakhti alaamat (identification mark) on the ID card, as he believes that there is nothing else in the world that he would better identify with. He believes that ‘Teen Talwaar’ completely describes everything that he has always stood for, and the means that he has used to achieve whatever he has managed to achieve in his life.

Also, Altaf Bhai believes that to mention – or question – the jins (sex) of the individual on the ID card is a blatant manifestation of sexual discrimination. He has told NADRA to immediately scratch the question or else look at his shanakhti nishaan for consequences.

Mushy is a buddy: Saad Rafiq

Lahore – Our Special Correspondent: Federal Minister for Railways Khwaja Saad Rafiq has clarified that his verbal blitz against former President General (retd) Pervez Musharraf was merely “friendly banter”, Khabaristan Today has learnt. After coming under severe scrutiny for his choice of words against a former military chief, the minister for railways, in an exclusive interview with Khabaristan Today, has clarified his stance.

“Mushy is a buddy and he knew exactly what I meant. I mean I have worked under him, why on earth would I use such vitriolic language if it were intended literally?” Rafiq said. He then went on to add that phrases like “mard ka bacha” were used as a part of friendly banter that goes back many a year. “I mean just look the way I talk about him. Had it not been such an official setting I would probably have been using Punjabi expletives. You media folks have no sense of humour,” he added.