Former military men, ex-cricketers protest against giving MFN status to India

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Wagah – Our Special Correspondent: Former army men and ex-cricketers came together in hordes to protest against the government’s plan of granting India the Most Favoured Nation (MFN) status at Wagah border on Monday. The protestors shouted anti-India slogans, displayed placards brimming with antagonism for the expected move and in their own words tried to “wake the nation up”. The protest comes a few days after Pakistan maintained its tradition of never having beaten India in cricket in a World Cup encounter in the World T20 clash in Bangladesh.

A former army general on condition of anonymity told Khabaristan Today, “We have neither beaten India in any cricket World Cup match nor… And hence, to consider them as our most favourite nation is downright insane.” When asked what any of this had to do with matters of commerce and trade, the general replied, “Unless you are trading troops or getting batsmen from India, any move that forces me to call my enemy my favourite nation, will not be tolerated obviously.”

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Former cricketers were also pretty animated during the protests and kept pointing out how memories of Bangalore, the Centurian or Mohali should be enough to rebuff any claims of India being our favourite nation. A former cricketer, not important enough to be named, told Khabaristan Today, “You would expect your favourite nation to lose at least once against you in the World Cup of your favourite sport. Especially during the 1990s when we were the far superior side. How did India beat us in all three matches in 1992, 1996 and 1999? Most favourite nation? Over my dead body!”

After forestalling another ex-cricketer’s manoeuvre of converting the other former player into a dead body, our correspondent asked the protestors whether they liked the sound of Non-Discriminatory Market Access on Reciprocal Basis in lieu of Most Favourite Nation. The answer was unanimously in the affirmative; following which everyone wrapped up the show and went back home.

Turkey throws gauntlet by banning Twitter; Pakistan set to block Google

Istanbul – Our Turkey Correspondent: Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan’s decision to ban Twitter in his country ahead of the municipal elections has not been taken kindly back home. But in an exclusive interview with Khabaristan Today, Erdogan has revealed the actual reasons behind the decision, which contradict the general consensus.

“I just wanted to give Pakistan a run for its money. Banning YouTube was a pretty ridiculous move, but I believe blocking Twitter has outdone that move. The gauntlet has been thrown to Pakistan. Let’s see if they respond even more ridiculously,” the Turkish prime minister told Khabaristan Today.

The prime minister was then asked if it was just about outdoing Pakistan’s ridiculousness couldn’t Turkey just have bred terrorists and kept on negotiating with them over and over again, he replied, “Well, that would have meant negotiating with myself, over and over again. On second thought, that does sound like an unbelievably ridiculous idea!”

Government of Pakistan meanwhile has decided to take up Erdogan’s challenge. The word from the IT ministry is that it is only a matter of time before Google is banned in Pakistan. Turkey would have a hard time topping that.

PTI celebrates March 25 as party’s birthday

Peshawar – Our Tsunami Correspondent: The Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) celebrated its 22nd birthday on Tuesday in Peshawar, Khabaristan Today has learnt. This coincides with the 22nd anniversary of Pakistan winning the ODI World Cup in Australia in 1992. Insiders in the political party suggest that the party leaders believe that the day Pakistan won the cricket World Cup PTI was born, and in fact if the World Cup triumph hadn’t been conjured, PTI would never have become a political factor at all.

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“Winning the cricket World Cup was the topmost credential of our party chief in the lead up to the elections and it only makes sense that the party’s biggest achievement is recognised as the moment that it came into being. PTI celebrates March 25 as its birthday every year,” a senior party member told Khabaristan Today on condition of anonymity.

“To be very frank if Pakitsan had not won the World Cup, PTI would be left with Shaukat Khanum hospital as its complete manifesto – or the part sans Taliban apologia. The only reason PTI is the second biggest political party in Pakistan today is because of the World Cup victory,” the party member added.

Meera arrested for having sex with husband

Lahore – Our Meera Jee Correspondent: A court on Tuesday had issued arrest warrant against film star Meera and her husband Captain Naveed, following which the police arrested them for the crime of having sex. At a time when the country is sinking in the quagmire of energy shortage, economy is struggling despite “friendly” grants and of course the small matter of the Taliban wreaking havoc all over the place, a married couple having sex continues to hog the news and the limelight.

A judicial expert and a practicing lawyer preferring to remain anonymous, owing to the sensitivity of the case, claimed that it was perfectly legal for a married couple to have sex in this country. “Yes, a husband and wife can have sex in the country. That’s perfectly legal. In fact that’s how most children are born in Pakistan,” he said.

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Another lawyer, again on the condition of anonymity, commented on the matter by saying, “It is a terribly harsh verdict. I mean they are married. That’s what they will do. In any case there are much bigger issues for the court to deal with, one would think.”

1 COMMENT

  1. Regarding Meera's arrest for sex: Yes it is totally alright to have sex when you're married BUT making it public is not alright therefore, some action(s) against this hence might just justify…

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