‘The sport promotes homosexuality’
The PTA is all set to take cricket commentary off the internet. Pakistanis had only just begun feeling hopeful that YouTube would be back subsequent to news that removal of the rabble-rousing YouTube video ‘Innocence of Muslims’ had been ordered by the US courts. The PTA, however, is heavily invested in ensuring that no inappropriate content remains online.
Explaining PTA’s decision to take cricket offline a PTA official said, “You have all these weird innuendos and we weren’t sure at first but we know now that the commentaries are absolutely sexual!” The organisation further went on record with several pieces of commentary from the recent Asia Cup match between Pakistan and Afghanistan.
The PTA official quotes some incriminating examples from the evidence box, “There was a part where the commentary read, ‘Afghanistan are motoring here. Touch too full, touch too straight and put away rather handsomely through the gap wide of mid-on’. Who exactly do they think they’re fooling? Touch too full? What absurd language to use in front of the entire nation!”
With obvious discomfort the official continued with another line of commentary, “‘Anwar Ali to Mohammad Shahzad, 2 runs, fullish on middle, Shahzad evades three men on the leg side field to pick up a couple. Too well timed for short midwicket.’ Do they really think that the PTA isn’t noticing the reference to a group sexual activity between several men? One of them is even a couple!” The PTA is going on record as stating that cricket commentary is indeed a Yahoodi Sazish and is trying to brainwash people into accepting homosexuality.
“If this isn’t a homosexual reference then I don’t know what is!” the official exclaimed before further quoting the following few excerpts from the evidence:
‘Umar Gul to Noor Ali Zadran, no run, a bit too excited there as they search for a single after the length ball is hit to mid-on.’ –ESPN Cricinfo.
‘Junaid Khan to Mohammad Shahzad, not too much footwork from Shahzad, seems to survive on hand-eye coordination.’ –ESPN Cricinfo.
‘Umar Gul to Noor Ali Zadran, FOUR, oh, he’s excellent off that back foot! Stood up tall to get on top of the bounce and thumps it away.’ –ESPN Cricinfo.
‘Junaid Khan to Noor Ali Zadran, no run, tapped to point again as he finishes the stroke with a whip of his wrists. Junaid persists back of a length and outside off’ –ESPN Cricinfo.
“I used to enjoy cricket before, but all of this is like being forced to read 50 Shades of Grey a thousand times. This is the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, we will not let our teams play games with such disgusting language as the commentary!” the official said. PTA is also rumoured to be in talks with PEMRA and looking to get the commentary bleeped out when it is being aired on TV. There is a very high likelihood that the current commentary will be replaced with background music created especially for the game. Some people are also discussing the possibility of running Islamic messages in the background to diminish the homosexual content in cricket.
Cricket is just the beginning
“Fahashi hai ji… it’s everywhere!” explained the PTA official. If the PTA is successful then it will also be getting rid of football from not just the internet but also on TV. “We have noticed that footballers make women go wild and crazy, Astaghfirullah, and we are trying to ensure that we keep the sharam and haya in our women intact,” he explained. The PTA seems to be troubled by the number of women who regularly not only watch football matches but also closely follow the sport. While it would appear that most of these women have a healthy interest in the game, the PTA has other ideas. “Look, we all know that women know nothing about sports… really, it’s not for girls. Then what are these girls looking at? The men! The footballers! They mask their behoodgi by saying it is for the game! Well, we are on to them!” asserted the PTA official.
The PTA has taken it upon it itself to help protect Pakistanis from the dangerous content online. “It’s like any good parental control app, we’re just trying to protect everyone,” explained the PTA official. Over the course of the last few years the PTA has banned a whole host of things. People have noticed that several harmful pages touting the rights of illegal minorities such as Ahmedis and LGBT have disappeared completely because of the PTA’s efforts. It has gone as far as blocking even webcomics that it feels may force people out of their comfort zone to push them to thinking about things that will only complicate their lives further. Pushing people to consider the rights of others before their own identity and beliefs is the one step to destroying any nation’s people. PTA is going to ensure that that doesn’t happen. Of course some foreign agents (most likely backed by the CIA) have repeatedly maligned the organisation calling it tyrannical and asking for greater transparency.
At the time of writing this piece the PTA was looking into other sports that should be banned indefinitely in Pakistan. The Sochi Olympics dealt them many a sleepless night. Contrary to popular belief YouTube will not be unblocked because there are many other videos that can harm the young and fragile minds of Muslims in the country. The PTA has always taken care of the interests of the people of Pakistan and it will continue to do so.
This article is prime example of tunnel vision. We are not a hoard of sheep. PTA is acting like self appointed moral police. There is always a positive side of everything, instead of giving people awareness, it is going towards evil path of blocking even the useful content.
Youtube has millions of Videos, Internet is virtually unlimited. Its like we are pushing ourselves to stone age. No enemy needed.
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