The most selfish player in the history of Pakistan cricket
KKS
So it was a great chase, wasn’t it? 302 runs in 59 overs, the fastest run chase of a target of over 300 runs in the history of Test cricket. Everyone deserves all the praise in the world. First of all Azhar Ali for playing one of the greatest Test knocks by a Pakistani player; Sarfraz Ahmed for his crucial cameo; Ahmed Shehzad for his brilliant century in the first innings; Khurram Manzoor for his half-century in the first and positive intent in the second innings; Abdur Rehman for his wickets in the second innings; Junaid Khan for his three for in the first innings; Mohammad Talha for his genuine pace; Younis Khan for his experience; Saeed Ajmal for being the best spinner in the entire solar system and Asad Shafiq for being the oldest talented youngster in the world of sports. Yes, they all deserve to be praised.
One man, however, despite unfortunately getting more coverage than he can ever deserve, does not warrant any approbation at all. He can twirl his imaginary moustache all he wants, but Misbahul Haq will never personify the courage and valour of a true Pakistani man.
Misbah is, and will always be, the most selfish player in the history of Pakistan cricket.
Where do I start? The strike rate? Mohali? Or the fact that he is not Shahid Afridi? Let’s start with the spot-fixing saga. Selfish Misbah, the cunning and clever man that he is, chose one of the lowest points of Pakistan cricket to become the captain. He knew that once you are at the lowest point, the only direction to go is upwards. Selfish Misbah, also knew that after the attack on Sri Lankan team in Lahore no one would play in Pakistan, at least during his playing career, so he would also be able to use that handicap to say, “Oh, look, I won all these matches without having captained on home soil.” Anyone who has visited the Emirates of late knows there isn’t a lot of difference between Sharjah and Sargodha. Furthermore, Selfish Misbah also didn’t have as talented a squad as say A.H. Kardar, Mushtaq Mohammad, Imran Khan, Javed Miandad, Wasim Akram or even Inzamamul Haq had. All of Selfish Misbah’s achievements therefore are further magnified.
So with three convenient handicaps – spot-fixing, no cricket at home and relatively mediocre squad – established, Selfish Misbah began his reign. And now after three years, he boasts as good a record as captain as any Pakistani skipper. Who wouldn’t, when you have so many things going in your favour!
His record as captain proves that he always puts himself ahead of the team.
Now let’s move on to the most selfish part of Selfish Misbah’s existence: his batting. He was the leading run scorer in ODIs last year. But this was only because he refused to get out. He is selfish enough to play for a team that has a mediocre batting lineup, so since no one else bothers to score, he gets more opportunity to bat and hence more opportunity to score more runs. Don’t be fooled by his second highest ODI batting average in successful run chases and second highest Test batting average as captain – when no one else is there to score runs, of course Selfish Misbah’s numbers would be further inflated.
Now let’s move on to that dreaded strike-rate of his. Don’t be fooled by the fact that his tuk tuk strike-rate is almost identical to that of Inzi’s or that he normally comes to bat with (pick any number between 0 and 35) for three. A true Pakistani lion – especially one that has the audacity to twirl imaginary moustaches – doesn’t look at the scoreboard or the situation of the match. He just goes Boom Boom from ball one and when he ends up playing a stunning innings on his 21408521st attempt, we remember that for the entirety of our lives and forget everything else.
Selfish Misbah has proven time and time again, that he is not a typical Pakistani lion. He is not someone we can ever accept as our hero. He is definitely not one of us.
It’s very selfish of Selfish Misbah to always be there, performing, when the team needs it the most. That way his performance becomes prominent and everyone seems to ignore all the balls that he blocked. It’s very very selfish of Selfish Misbah to come up with astounding triumphs after every few months. That way his captaincy becomes prominent and everyone seems to ignore all the balls that he blocked. It’s very very very selfish of Selfish Misbah to keep rewriting history as both captain and batsman. That way his name will become prominent in history books and everyone would ignore all the balls that he blocked.
The writer is a socio-political critic. He can be reached at [email protected].
