The Mummy Returns


Who will be this week’s mummy?

Hello and welcome to our weekly game show called “The Mummy Returns”. For those of you not familiar with the game and its format: it’s a simple polling game where we make a list of contestants who have made a haunting comeback over the past week or so, and the one getting the most votes is dubbed the “mummy” for the week.

It’s an international game show, with votes coming in from all over the world – and beyond – as voters try and ensure that the contestant, who has managed to scare the living daylights out of them, comes out on top. This week has seen quite a few horror stories, and phantom returns, and if you found one of these returns particularly bloodcurdling, please participate in the game and cast your vote.

Here are this week’s scariest returns:

Nawaz Sharif’s return to the PM House

By becoming the 27th prime minister of Pakistan Nawaz Sharif would be trying to jolt his opponents into submission for the third time in his political career. Whether or not these opponents include the people of Pakistan remains to be seen.

People who voted for Nawaz Sharif include Imran Khan, Gen. Ashfaq Parvez Kayani and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Jagmohan Dalmiya’s return to BCCI

After the IPL became more of an interrogation chamber than a sports league, the man summoned in to clean up the mess is the one who was expelled from BCCI for misappropriation of funds in 2006.

People who voted for Jagmohan Dalmiya include Mahinder Singh Dhoni, Salman Butt and the Indian cricket fan.

Syrian Army’s return to Qusair

The fact that the city inhabited by 30,000 people is now virtually left in ruins tells you how haunted the scene is there, as the Syrian Army vies to scare away the rebel forces with the help of Hezbollah fighters.

People who voted for the Syrian Army include Salim Idriss, Lyse Doucet and the Qusair citizen.

Fauzia Kasuri’s return to NA contention

Still in the rumour mill but there’s a chance Fauzia Kasuri might take up PML-N’s offer of contesting NA-48 – the seat that was vacated by Javed Hashmi. Fauzia Kasuri taking over NA-48 via PML-N would be a nightmare for a lot of people.

People who voted for Fauzia Kasuri include Javed Hashmi, Shireen Mazari and the PTI fan.

Jose Mourinho’s return to Chelsea

The number of trophies he has won in the past decade or so is scary, but the amount of cash he has splashed to win the said trophies, is scarier.

People who voted for Jose Mourinho include David Moyes, Arsene Wenger and Fernando Torres.

Megadeth’s return to hard rock

With their latest release Super Collider on Tuesday, Megadeth signaled a return to their 1990s sound. The metal-heads might not dig it, but the thought of Dave Mustaine and co matching the commercial success of the 1990s is pretty daunting.

People who voted for Megadeth include James Hetfield, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber.

Madhuri Dixit’s return to Bollywood

After showcasing more acting skills in the five-minute cameo in the song Ghagra, than the current leading ladies have done in their entire careers, this return is one that is giving sleepless nights to every single Bollywood actress out there.

People who voted for Madhuri Dixit include Deepika Padukone, Katrina Kaif and Dr Shriram Madhav Nene.

Start button’s return to Windows 8 OS

Microsoft’s virtually admitting failure after deciding to reinstate the start button in the Windows 8 operating system. And it’s sure as hell going to worry the Microsoft shareholders.

People who voted for the Start button include Risto Siilasmaa and Lee Byung-chul.

The ring’s return to Amir Khan

Taking on the 21-year-old Faryal Makhdoom is said to be the most intimidating challenge of Amir Khan’s fighting career. King Khan is odds on to be knocked out in the first round.

People who voted for the wedding ring include Zab Judah, Lamont Peterson and Carlos Molina.

Tax Laws (Amendment) Ordinance’s return to PM Secretariat

The draft wasn’t signed and now the proposed taxation measures have been pushed for the FY14 budget and would be tackled by the newly formed government.

People who voted for the ordinance include Nawaz Sharif and Ishaq Dar.

Afghan Taliban’s return to Iran

Senior Afghan Taliban decided to have a little chitchat with Iranian officials in a rendezvous that is set to get on the nerves of both Kabul and Washington and throw a spanner in the AfPak works.

People who voted for the Afghan Taliban include Barack Obama and Hamid Karzai.

IMF’s return to its senses

IMF finally accepts that it messed up big time on the Greek front, but still managed to point all its fingers – and more – at the Eurozone. The blame game is not really going to help the Eurozone countries sinking in the debt quagmire.

People who voted for the IMF include George Papandreou, Angela Merkel and Mario Draghi.

Rafael Nadal’s return to Roland Garros

He’s going for a record eighth French Open title to become the only man in the history of tennis to win at least a Grand Slam in nine consecutive years. He takes on Novak Djokovic today in the semifinal that is actually the final.

People who voted for Rafael Nadal include Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic and Pete Sampras.

Roshni’s return to Facebook

The Facebook page that promotes petrifying ideas like human rights, equality and secularism was taken down a few weeks ago. The monsters are back with another page.

People who voted for Roshni include Tariq Jameel, PTA and lots of people with an extremist mindset.

Islamism’s return to Turkey

After 90 years of exile Islamism is stealthily creeping inside Turkey, as Prime Minister Erdogan refuses to understand the limitations of being a democratically elected leader.

People who voted for Islamism include Suleyman Demirel, Nicos Anastasiades and Mustafa Kamal Ataturk.

Pakistan cricket team’s returns to England

Pakistan’s previous three trips to England have seen the team being involved in spot-fixing, become the first Test side in history to forfeit a match and win a cricket World Cup.

People who voted for the Pakistan cricket team include Mirza Iqbal Baig, Waqar Younis and Michael Holding.

So who do you think would be this week’s mummy? Send your comments and votes to the address below.

The writer is a financial journalist and a cultural critic. Email: [email protected], Twitter: @khuldune