Mark Champkins
There is a saying, ‘everyone has a book in them’ but I have a similar theory that everyone also has an invention in them, or at the very least, an idea for an improvement to an existing product. With this in mind, I began to wonder if my theory might apply to people in the public eye.
Are there inventions and patents being quietly filed by people we are all familiar with, and if so, what might their patents tell us about these people when they are out of the spotlight? Using Google’s Patent Search engine, I decided to investigate, and to my delight, I have discovered dozens of bizarre ‘celebrity Inventions’.
Thatcher’s softer side
Most remarkable of all, was my discovery that Margaret Thatcher invented Soft Scoop Ice Cream. Before entering the world of Politics, Margaret graduated from Oxford University with a degree in Chemistry, and went to work for J.R. Lyons, who, amongst other things, made Ice Cream. As part of a team of three she was given the responsibility to formulate an ice cream that could be pumped through tubes so that it could be dispensed more quickly.
She figured out a way to aerate the ice cream, to reduce its density and viscosity, giving rise to the Soft Scoop, Mr Whippy style ice cream we all know and love. So it seems the Iron Lady did have a softer side. The irony is that she ended up removing 30% of the ice cream (replacing it with air), and was able to charge more for it, since it could be dispensed and sold quicker.Inspired, she then went into politics.
I discovered that Hollywood crazy, Charlie Sheen, has invented a whole range of products, launched his own children’s fashion label (called “Sheen Kidz”), tried to copyright the expressions, “Violent Torpedoes of Truth”, “Tiger Plasma”, and “I am not Bi-Polar, I am Bi-Winning”. He also created one practical and uncharacteristically sensible invention, a ‘Chapstick Dispenser’ that allows users to apply Chapstick lip balm whilst in cold conditions, without removing their gloves.
Brando’s drum tuner
It turns out that Marlon Brando had a penchant for Bongo drums and invented an innovative drum tuner, which, had he lived longer, would have made him a lot of money. Abraham Lincoln patented an inflatable skirt for ships that, in the event that they ran aground, could be inflated to release them from underwater obstacles. He recognised the advantage of being able to remove as much of a ships hull from the water as possible, and pre-dated the invention of the Hovercraft and Hydrofoil by over 50 years. A model of his inventions can be found in the Smithsonian Museum of American History in Washington DC. Remarkably, Michael Jackson patented shoes that enabled him (and his dancers) to fix himself temporarily to the stage and perform the 45º lean in the Smooth Criminal video. The patent document has an amazing illustration of Michael, complete with ankle-swinger trousers, one white glove and Fedora hat, leaning at 45º.
Roald Dahl’s pump
Perhaps the most touching and inspiring of the inventions I dug up was the WDT Valve, co-invented by Roald Dahl. In 1960, Roald’s son Theo suffered a brain injury after being struck by a car. His injuries required regular draining of fluid from his brain using a tiny mechanical pump; however, the pump’s valve regularly blocked up, causing Theo pain, blindness and the risk of permanent brain damage. Witnessing his son’s distress, Roald enlisted the help of a friend who supervised a factory producing precision hydraulic pumps and teamed up with Theo’s neurosurgeon to develop a new valve mechanism to improve the pump. Though Theo recovered before it was finished, in 1962 the valve was launched and went on to benefit thousands of patients around the world.
