Palmists and pundits

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Do you think it was silly, the way the occult was consulted (Geo, Aapas Ki Baat, 5th May) to predict the outcome of the upcoming elections? You might, but it probably wasn’t as silly as what you’re otherwise used to.

Don’t get me wrong. I find the occult silly. For grown men and women to consult palmists and numerologists over any matter is atrocious. That is a view I have long maintained as the secular, scientific rationalist I aspire to be. It is also a view I have on the basis of whatever little religion I have. Regardless of how you slice it, I will find it repugnant.

But if you, dear reader, are of the view that political analysts will do a better job, then I differ there as well. Political analysts, or what passes off as them in the media, talk out of their arses.

Their “predictions” are as much shots in the dark as the guy looking into your tea leaves to tell you about your future wife.

The biggest secret that the Pakistani news media has to hide is not how financially corrupt it is. Or how beholden it is to corporate or institutional interests. The biggest secret is how very, laughably, incompetent they are. Ironically, those analysts who do have a context-based encyclopaedic constituency-to-constituency grasp, coupled with both a studied and intuitive understanding of electoral dynamics, like Geo’s Sohail Warraich and, perhaps, Iftikhar Ahmed, are very shy of “calling it” and concede of how little their understanding is.

If the reader would like to replace the tarot card reader with a smug-looking Muhammad Mallick, with his I-know-something-you-don’t look, he is free to do so.

Ever since the PPP government took over in ‘08, the pundits have been predicting a demise. Six months, said one; a year, tops, said another. They kept at it till the end of the tenure. Did the analysts lose their jobs? No. With such a track record, your average Shah Aalmi Bazaar fortune-teller, the sort that has a parrot that pulls out a card, would be out of business within a year. On the other hand, there is no, absolutely no, accountability in the media business.

For all we know, the tarot lady prediction (PML-N biggest winner; PPP second biggest, but going on to form a coalition government) just might be true. Even if she did, I hasten to add again, pull it out of thin air.

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Literally singing for his supper

Levi Strauss. Does the name ring a bell? Not to be confused with the French anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss, Levi Strauss was a German Jew who made a killing in the California gold rush. One detail: he wasn’t a gold miner. He used to make jeans for the miners; they were really comfortable to work in despite being tough enough to withstand those conditions Since it was a gold rush, there was a lot more hope than there was gold. Our man Strauss cashed in on that. He was banking not on the gold, but the hope for it. You might even be wearing one of his right now. Levi’s jeans.

This model is referred to during a lot of bubbles. A lot of people who didn’t believe in the 90s DotCom bubble did, nevertheless, set up incubators for startups and made money off them. Property traders, even the ones aware of the transient nature of a property bubble, do this. Smart money, as the great economist Keynes pointed out, follows dumb money.

Elections should be seen in that context. Those blaming Rahat Fateh Ali Khan for singing songs for both PTI and PML-N are being unfair. It is like blaming a TV channel or newspaper for running ads for both these parties. Levi Strauss, man.

As the comedian Dave Chappelle said: “I’ve done commercials for Coke and Pepsi. I don’t give a [expletive] what comes out of my mouth. I say what it takes. Whatever it takes. If you wanna know the truth, can’t even taste the difference. All I know is, Pepsi paid me most recently so… it tastes better.”

8 COMMENTS

  1. Those posing as analysts and appearing on our media during last few years must be, first of all, dismissed across the board and then given a chance to explain their position. They have done such a bad job that this is the best they can be offered. Perhaps, judiciary and these media pundits (both do it not for country's sake but for the millions and billions they mint) are perhaps two sections of our society which performed most miserably during the last five years.

  2. Astrology is fact and has proven history -'approved by the religion -It is all mathematically calculated and world is moving on mathematical calculations it is another matter how at its best that mathematics is discovered so far to us-science is yet in a processes of evolution .but tarot cards card reading -or predictions are leap in the dark .Hit or miss phenomenon. With a little of religion knowledge one can see that special prayers are advised during moon or sun eclipses
    -As for media it is a business industry without any ethics. courtesy our Information Ministry.. CROSS MEDIA OWNER SHIP IS WORST OF EVIL.

  3. This so called Astrology has nothing to do with religion so let us not be too clever to say "approved by religion".It is not in the sense mentioned here by one commentator.This trend to run programes with some nuts with cards and laptops is no diiferent to the trash our media brings to its viewers.I need not give details .

    • There is prophet- pbu -saying astrology is true but astrologers are false.there are different QUARANIC SAYING . on the validity of astrology . we ONLY DO NOT APPROVE ASTROLOGERS AND FORTUNE TELLING.There is nothing clever about it
      not a maul vi so go through religious reading to be awaken to the facts.

  4. Believing in astrology is to deny the teachings of Islam,all these astronomical portals are only for those whose belief in God is weak.We can only predict an event according to it's statistical surveys but never can be sure of the results.Astrology has developed as a lucrative business and the irony is this that our posh class are their ready victims.Astrology has no ties with the truth or the knowledge of unseen.Even a common man can foretell an event according to his observations,and if his foretelling comes out true he will become an astrologist.

  5. ONE has to repeat astrologers are false according to Islam AS THEIR KNOWLEDGE IS VERY LIMITED. BUT WHEN MOON OR SUN ARE ECLIPSED OUR RELIGION ADVICE TO SAY 2-KASOOF AND 2 KHASOOF NAWAFIL TO AVOID ADVERSE AFFECTS
    of negative energy; However practiced astrology is a big marketing tool'

    • You need help brother.Go to some religious scholar because it is beyond you to comprehend Islamic teachings on your own.It si a different thing that you do not wish to comprehend.Thats your problem Naiye.

  6. Fortune telling is also discussed in the Holy Quran.
    Before the birth of Hazrat Musa/Moses,the astrologers of Pharoah’s court predicts Pharoah that soon a male child will be born in Egypt who will end Pharoah’s Empire.Then Pharoah commands to kill every newborn male child in Egypt.
    However,it is not DIRECTLY said in the Holy Quran wheather fortune telling is Haram or not.So no one can’t say that fortune telling is 100% Haram or 100% Halal.

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