Fears that Mario Balotelli’s departure from Manchester City would leave football fans leading an altogether duller existence have been allayed by the news that the madcap striker is preparing to expand his collection of contemporary art (reportedly kept in his attic) by commissioning a life-sized statue. Of himself. The AC Milan player—whose antics in England included a physical fight with his manager, giving £1,000 in casino winnings to a homeless person and setting fire to his bathroom during an impromptu indoor firework display—has dictated the statue’s pose. The artist, Livio Scarpella, told Il Giornale di Brescia that Mario “wanted to be immortalised in a pose that shows him having scored a goal, highlighting his muscles and with an expression of defiance. I have imagined him as an athlete from ancient times and the statue will be a mix of Classical and Pop style, in platinum and coloured bronze with the eyes made of stones.” All of which goes to show that money can’t buy you class.