Don’t like his product? Don’t buy it
The level of intolerance in this country never ceases to amaze. An innocent man can’t even change his profession here without people getting on his back. Granted JJ was a half decent pop singer back in his heyday, but if he wants to jump to marketing, why can’t we all give him a break? His product is a global brand; he is paid more and is promised residence in a heavenly garden with a lifetime supply of milk and honey with 70 or more voluptuous ladies taking good care of him – what more can an employee ask for?
JJ has left his past well and truly behind and is focusing on remoulding himself in synchrony with his brand. Hence, his Sanwali Saloni Mehbooba now wears a burka; Guzray Zamanay Wali can’t step outside her place without a mehram; Dil Dil Pakistan has metamorphosed into Dil Dil Taliban; Aitebar has evolved into Astaghfaar; his concerts take place at Raiwind and the tum in his Hum Tum is now TJ. JJ is a salesman now – a pretty renowned one at that – if you don’t like his product, just don’t buy it. Please don’t judge our good friend as the abominable, despicable and hypocritical man that he undoubtedly is, judge him as a marketer.
The fact that people were gnashing their teeth following JJ’s morning show with Nida Yasir is surprising on two fronts. First of all, it was a clear advert for JJ’s product that was being misapprehended as a talk show. Secondly, and more bizarrely, most of those who had their blood boiling over said advertisement are proud owners of the advertised product and keep JJ’s brand alive in their homes. The fact that they don’t use it frequently ensures that they aren’t aware of most of the dubious features. And as a result when JJ showcased some of the traits of his product, the fuming hordes failed to recognise it as the same product that is present in their living rooms, on their bookshelves, around their necks and more tangibly, in their minds.
JJ’s brand has a worldwide following and has been hogging the global market for a millennium and a half. While it was a massive hit at the time of its launch, its makers have failed to update it with time, and hence a lot of its features seem antediluvian and outdated. This is precisely why the brand’s marketing is left at the discretion of budding marketeers and salesmen who shroud its blemishes to make it appear as if it is compatible with the 21st century. JJ might not be as strong a brand ambassador as the likes of Dr Zak Khalnayak, Yousaf Estates, Ahmad Dee That, et al, but as an honest salesman he prefers to showcase his product with all its pros and cons, unlike his more illustrious colleagues.
Some of the most notable cons of JJ’s brand are extremism, terrorism, hatred, ignorance, intolerance, slavery, bigotry, pedophilia, and misogyny. But since most of the hullabaloo following JJ’s latest commercial was generated with regards to the latter we shall focus on that for the time being.
It’s weird that all the quasi-feminists rose up in unison when JJ highlighted the misogynistic side of his brand, without actually ever bothering to read the manuals and instruction guides that come with his product. The books are drenched in misogyny, and instead of screaming bloody murder they must first go through the reading material to find out what’s on offer and what isn’t. If you’re a feminist and carry JJ’s brand on your sleeve, you are – excuse me for putting it frankly, and bluntly – a moron, an oxymoron.
The franchise’s package for women who own the product is pretty clear: in exchange for a heavenly illusion under their feet, they get to satisfy the needs of the male counterparts who own the product in their house. One male user can ‘interact’ with several female users depending on his location and his lack of self-control, while the female user should dedicate her time ensuring that she follows the instruction provided by the manuals – with convenient interpretational fluctuations by the men – to ensure the product is optimally utilised by the household.
In almost every case JJ’s product already exists in the house when the female users are born, but as they grow up they are forced to buy a lot of the merchandise associated with the product. Like for instance, they have to buy the half-truth that women were significantly worse off before the brand came into being; they have to buy the assertion that rival brands don’t even offer a package close to the one they get with JJ’s brand; they have to buy the salesmen’s claim that they have equal rights with this brand and they have to buy the fallacy that they are somehow inferior to men who use this product.
In addition to these mandatory purchases they have to pay for a lot of other stuff as well. They have to pay for the fact that their predecessors remained silent when their husbands abused them, raped them and hit them courtesy JJ’s product; they have to pay for the continuum of patriarchal societies that sidelined and objectified women with the aid of JJ’s brand; they have to pay for their mothers acquiescing to the misogynistic features of this product and they have to pay for the fact that it’s always the salesmen that are castigated while discussing the product’s features, while everyone remains shushed about the shortcomings of the brand.
JJ’s franchise has grown enormously over time and its sales have relentlessly increased, with the consumers continuing to be oblivious of the marketing ploys. The customers have an emotional attachment with the brand that has existed in their families for ages, so much so that they believe that they themselves and their society structure are dependent on these marketed products. What they don’t realise is that there are other alternatives that can soothe their insecurities, helplessness and fear, which also provide more feasible and peaceful substitutes for the moral and ethical needs of the society. The marketeers of these alternatives, however, don’t advertise their products where they are needed the most.
The writer is a financial journalist and a cultural critic. Email: [email protected], Twiter: @khuldune
man. im so over your type. i read the first paragraph and knew this was the same old house-nigger stuff you always spew out. your paper must be really short of intellectual content if they publish yours so regularly.
Another brave, courageous and wonderfully executed article. More power to you Kunwar!
Though I don't condone JJ's ridiculous views on the talk show, but the unknown author of this article is clearly following the footsteps of Veena Malik. Creating controversies to get in the limelight is such a moronic idea. Liberal extremists are as dangerous to the country as Taliban. .
Get a life Kanwar. Following footsteps of Liberal extremists just for the sake of cheap publicity is not a very good idea. We need people with a balanced approach writing things on a national newspaper, not someone who aggravates the ignorant masses.
Get a life man … What a nonsense and stupid article!
@zulu & @snukimz: He writes this ‘cz this crap is in high demand these days. Author has got the right to shave his face but his victim doesn’t have the right to have a beard on the same grounds. What an hypocrite!
Wonderful article Mr Shahid. We need more brave writers like you, who are not afraid of telling the truth, amongst all the lies that we are fed on a daily basis. Please stay safe and keep writing.
I note that the men appear to have issues with this article, whereas the women concur! Finally someone has eloquently said what I have thought for so long!
The author has camouflaged his intended message in so many cliche's such that it becomes impossible to objectively understand his viewpoint and criticize.
hahahaha . . . . you will soon killed by Na Maloom Afraad , JJ will pray in Tahujjd , be ready dear , he is Mustajabuddawaat 😛
Great article and all factual. Of course those who have been conned into buying this product will not agree as it will show them up as the gullible fools they are. The harder the argue the more foolish they have been.
This is so beautifully written. self reflection is important. you can't perpetuate a thing and then be upset at the consequences
Gorillas have bigger brains than some khal-naik shahid. In Pakistan if someone has writing space they will it their destiny to force their versions of religion. This is more insult to Islam than jj. Abominable piece!
Excellent article kunwar! You bravely go where almost no one goes out of fear in Pakistan. Your analysis is right on the money. Stay safe my friend and keep writing.
Excellent article. Hope in humanity restored.
excellent article. well done!
I feel this article is written as a sense of jealousy against JJ. Secondly, this article is written in the view to keep anti-JJ people happy.
What is brave about criticizing someone, writing an article while sitting at home on their soft pouch.
This has to go down as one of the most senseless pieces of journalism I have every seen. Neem Hakeem Khatra-e-Jaan…is the case. The author is completely unaware of the subject he is daring to criticize at will. Utter crap !
I got your point. You want a foreign nationality and you are producing your case here. Shame on you who spread misinformation.
Very well written and spot on.
Spot on Javeo , hala and asma …. love your comments. There is nothing else for me to add … peace.
I DON;T KNOW WHO YOUR TALKIN ABOUT I DON';T CARE I JUST WANT TO TROLL AND SAY: SHUT UP KUNWAR NO ONE GIVES. NO ONE GIVES. YOUR BORING. YOU ARE A BORING PERSON YOUR ARTICLES ARE ALL THE SAME. SO SPECTACULARLY UNORIGINAL I SWEAR YOU NEED A NEW JOB BECAUSE BEING ABLE TO STRING A BUNCH OF WORDS YOU GOT FROM A DICTIONARY TOGETHER INTO A SENTENCE DOES NOT MAKE ONE A WRITER!!!!! DAYUM.
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