When the circus came to town

TuQ’s long march: one of the best things to happen to reality TV

Pakistan on the precipice. Again. Think about it. An academic waltzes in and rallies up a crowd for the biggest block party Islamabad has probably seen in the recent past. An opportunist CJP, not willing to be left behind, directs NAB to arrest the PM in relation to the Rental Power Projects case. Border skirmishes between our armed forces and those of our delightful neighbour India reached escalation point. However the “save democracy” protest continued undaunted even as the Bara killings came to light. Forget raising questions about the systematic breakdown of our policing institutions, considering the very recent monumental tragedy in Quetta. We were delightfully engaged in trying to find the source of TuQ’s funding and get to who’s ‘behind’ him.

While perusing the many status updates and verbal mini-wars on Facebook regarding TuQ’s long march by the usual Facebook revolutionaries and the slightly more skeptical lot adopting a wait and see approach to the stage set in Islamabad these past few days, one particular page caught my eye. So unexpected was the image of King Julien, from the animated film Madagascar, with the following quote: Apparently, wearing a funny hat gets you lots of followers and enables you to lead a “million march”. Here goes nothing.

I have the utmost respect for Dr TuQ’S person and his demands of the government for electoral reform. I am wary of his political expertise and recovering from the shock of his absolute arrogance. I expected this from the animated, self proclaimed king of the lemurs. One has to be a special brand of ‘revolutionary’ (cuckoo?) to congregate in Islamabad, claim to speak for millions at a gathering of thousands and expose the very people you’re out to save from radical militant elements. He claims he wants electoral reform but the only real demand he makes is that elected parliament, (yes, who we the people put them there) ought to dissolve itself by 11am or he will let the ‘people make their decisions’. He wants the ‘rulers’ to be accountable to the law by telling the marchers to take the law into their own hands should their demands not be met. And he does this all in the name of democracy.

If TuQ’s intentions were to save the country from anarchy then he’s being “a complete dodo about it”. Let’s also mention TuQ’s brilliant eureka moment when he said the army and judiciary should be stakeholders in the interim government (and then you wonder why people don’t take you seriously). What are we running here? A fly-by-night operation that everyone who’s interested can get in on? Forget what the constitution says on the matter. He says he speaks for the entire nation. I’m sorry but didn’t this very nation oust dictatorship?

Remember how in Madagascar the lemurs were scared of the Fossa and the mere mention of the word Fossa put them in distress and made them run in circles? Well, our replacement for Fossa is ‘Inquilaab’. It has the same effect every time. Another scene in this tableau, and a personal favourite was the way TuQ shouted out “Rehman Malikkkk…” Super awesome to hear because of the Mogambo-esque tone. And here’s my personal grievance: Really? Rehman sahib, the Pontiff’s mitre and TuQ’s headgear being similar? What exactly is that supposed to convey? Do you not realise the extremely precarious situation the religious minorities in your country are in? But who am I to say anything when TuQ went ahead and likened himself to General Mao and the situation to be the same as the battle between Hussain and Yezid.

Jokes and low blows about appearance (seriously who’s your stylist?), demeanour (too many animated flailing hand gestures), dubious agenda (or rather lack of a concrete one that doesn’t call for anarchy overnight), the big giant bulletproof container (read VIP Lounge for the party at D Block) and dual nationality (one in hand might be good enough for you but two in the bush is where it’s at) apart, what did the self proclaimed ‘messiah’ of the people actually achieve? There are voices (hear roars) that he went away with nothing. A piece of paper gets signed, reaffirming constitutional provisions already present. Let’s not get into how this very piece of paper’s enforcement lies with the very regime TuQ set out to topple.

There are other voices lauding the Long March Declaration as ‘the first example in history’ where a man got the very people making fun of him to come out to his crib and negotiate. Then the media went mental congratulating him (What for? There was no dissolution of the existing Parliament or assemblies (save Balochistan for separate reasons), no ‘ex-ing’ of the PM and President and no stepping in for the military). And now that the dust has settled we are left with one glaring question: What was all of this about?

There’s a process, there’s a process to reform the first process. Granted, corruption is rampant, our representatives are out on their own power trips and the PPP got a lot of things wrong. A schedule for elections should have been circulated by now; a couple of weeks more in power have been at the trade off of a circus in Islamabad. I don’t negate the fact that corruption has run rampant or the fact that the socio-economic setup of the country has been deteriorating. A stronger stance against the militants was required. However, that also needs to be seen in the context of the religious right playing their usual game of evoking religious sentiments to their personal political mileage. Enter the TuQ enthusiasts who will say TuQ attempted to change the rules of a game that has seen the same players. Entitled goons who know nothing about politics and just enjoy cruising in their 4×4’s halting traffic. And beating up bakery boys.

Let’s focus simply on the power of the people. They got a written promise of a free, fair, just, honest and guaranteed-against-corruption type election coming up. Their sacrifice in being out on the streets was not missed by anyone much less the ruling coalition. To everyone at the long march and those watching from the comforts of their home making fun of TuQ’s container, we are the stakeholders, through our vote, through our respect of the processes our elected representatives have put in place. Consider this, the life of an average Pakistani is so difficult that giving everything up, locking house and coming to Islamabad, with kids in tow, seems like a good idea because TuQ’s gibberish makes sense to them. Assuming all of them were paid, shame on all of us for creating a situation where people can be bought to sit out on the streets in the cold. Let the process mature. Real change would come by empowering grassroots through local governance and devolving power. Positive guidelines ought to be enforced and to those people who want to jeopardise the democratic process in the name of saving the very same thing i.e., democracy: “Riasaat bachane ke chakeroun mein siaasat bhoolni nahi chahiye,” as someone put it.

Interesting bit of statecraft on part of the PPP-led government as well. They took this opportunity to set the stage for democracy in action. Assessing a situation and coming forth with the best solution. To tell the people gathered that their voices matter, they changed their earlier derision of TuQ and showed up at his container for negotiations. In the end they agreed to a future date for further talks (Jan 29) and reaffirmed pre-existing constitutional principles. The Declaration’s pitfall is again is implementation. How do you keep check on overspending? How do you ensure good character? How do you ensure corrupt practices not marring the election? And the 30-day scrutiny prior to the election campaign is a brilliant idea but what are the implemental mechanisms? How does one attempt to control variables? Power is fascinating and those who have it seldom give it up without a fight. Our country’s history should teach us that.

In the aftermath of one of the best things to happen to reality TV, one can just imagine the penguins of Madagascar and President Zardari going like: “Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave.” It’s really election time when our country’s politics can most easily be explained by reference to a cartoon movie involving zoo animals.