Simon says be angry

By
KK Shahid
-
24
194

And we get all worked up dutifully

Simon says hate India, we hate India. Simon says abhor the Jews, we abhor the Jews. Simon says despise the US, and we despise the US. Simon says take the minorities to the task, we take them to the task. Simon says be happy when a non-Muslim is massacred, and we are happy. Simon says that a YouTube video should hurt your sentiments, and then it hurts our sentiments. Simon says feel agitated, and we oblige him with agitation. Simon says burn with fury, and we burn down our own property in fury. Simon says, kill to assert peace, and we kill peacefully. Simon says believe that everything is a US-Zionist conspiracy and we showcase unyielding belief.

It’s good to have someone like Simon in our lives, who can tell us when to be happy, sad and angry. Who can control our sentiments and tell us what to do, because in all honesty it’s too big a task to be in control of your emotions and actions. And it would take too much work and time to figure out who I should hate and who I should love, and I, for one, would rather have that spoon-fed to me. It makes life easy.

The best thing about Simon is that he tells us that we are the best. The country we live in is the best and the ideology we follow is the best. Just imagine all the work that the non-believers are trying to do to get better: they are making scientific discoveries, coming up with new theories, updating their literature, developing the world, studying the universe, going over to Mars, and doing whatnot; while we can sit in our PJs doing nada all day, and still be the best. I like Simon’s version of ‘best’. It makes being the best easy.

Simon is our godfather. He teaches us history, geography, ethics, and pretty much every subject that concerns us. He tells us which books to read and bans literature that contradicts his teachings. He plans out what needs to be taught, leaves out details, gives lopsided interpretations, and forges facts to ensure that we follow a coherent course of action. This is how he clears our minds and controls our thoughts. Simon’s teachings and reading material clearly tell us whose death should be rejoiced at, and whose condemned. It clearly tells us who we should kill and suppress. Just imagine the study I would need to put in to figure out who I should kill and who I shouldn’t. And if I’m honest I fear that if I actually go through teachings outside of what is provided by Simon I might start finding the act of killing anyone, repulsive. I’d rather stick to Simon’s wisdom. It makes violence easy.

Take the example of the trouble in Gaza. Simon told us to be angry and condemn the killings and we did exactly that, dutifully. But thankfully Simon didn’t mention the violence in Karachi and Balochistan, he didn’t point out the Shia killings, he didn’t underscore the hundreds being massacred in Syria, but preferred to highlight the 20 that died in Palestine on Friday. For, you see, if he’d done any of this, I, for one, would have concentrated on demonstrating against the trouble in our own country first. It’s amazing how Simon can overhype matters that don’t directly concern us, hypocritically ignore worse cases and then tell us to protest accordingly. It makes hypocrisy easy.

I think hyping up trouble in Gaza was also important because Simon says that when a Muslim kills a Muslim it’s not quite as bad as compared to when a non-Muslim kills a Muslim. Oh no, wait, Simon never actually said this; he just gets all worked up about the latter, and chooses to ignore the former, so I figured he’d have said it sometime. Either way, Muslim brotherhood is very important for Simon, which is why he never tells us that our Arab brothers treat us like second-grade citizens, and never champion our cases internationally. He never tells us that the Arabs never protest against the killings of our Muslim brothers in Kashmir or Myanmar. He never tells us that the Saudis are actually helping the US and Zionists with sanctions on our Muslim brothers in Iran, by producing more and more oil. I love Simon’s one-sided concept of brotherhood. It makes being a brother easy.

We can’t thank Simon enough for always being there for us. He makes us feel strong, even though we’re so obviously weak. He preaches discrimination yet convinces us we’re being taught unity. He teaches violence and makes us believe it is peace. He teaches us fabrication and claims it’s the truth. I love Simon’s concept of knowledge. It makes being ignorant easy.

The writer is Editor, Business and City (Karachi), Pakistan Today. Email: [email protected], Twitter: @khuldune

 

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24 COMMENTS

  3. Keep following Simon. If we do not follow Simon it may become necessary to think for ourselves. But we have no brains to think with. Keep following Simon.

  6. "And if I’m honest I fear that if I actually go through teachings outside of what is provided by Simon I might start finding the act of killing anyone, repulsive. I’d rather stick to Simon’s wisdom. It makes violence easy"

    Nailed!

  7. ^ This guy’s really angry. He’s following Simon alright.

    The gist of the article is that you know only one side of the story, the one that Simon is telling you. The gist of the article is not that you should be indifferent to the human beings dying, but to be sensitive about every person being killed, not just the ones Simon tells you about. This is what is called a satire.

  10. Mediocre always follows the slogans of Simon.it is the crucial responsibility of leadership, media and prominent personalities of any society to raise the understanding level of public through their power of communication.The lies of the propagandists reveal the deeper truth of the whole world’s cynicism and dishonesty..Here all fall in bad names so result is what you are trying to portray.

  13. What does "Hyping up the Gaza incident" mean? are you crazy, delusional, blind or what? The gist of your article is that we should go against our Simon/Army and be indifferent to the Human Beings dying in Palestine or where ever in Pakistan? Every Tom Dick and Harry gets a chance to publish their stupidity if they intend to lambast the army or Imran Khan these days.

  15. Well written!…you have identified many of the problems created by the "Simon's" of Pakistan without actually naming them…that is OK…we all know who they are…thanks

  22. Hidustani hoke is Pakistani par fakr hai.

    kai maseehon se bada wo ek insaan hai
    jo dard e rooh ko samajhta hai
    sach bolta hai

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