For artists, it must be complete agony to see their hard-labored brainchildren banned, censored or outright destroyed — which makes it all the more baffling when they choose to do it themselves. Yet history is full of famous people who went to extreme lengths to prevent you (yes, you specifically) from experiencing their work. For example…
1. Director Tony Kaye tries to sabotage his own film using insanity
Kaye had a reputation for both arrogance and eccentricity, but studio executives and test audiences were extremely happy with his initial rough cut of X after shooting ended (this is the movie that, after all, would earn Norton a Best Actor nomination at Oscar time).
Kaye wasn’t happy, however, and he immediately started trimming footage until the film was down to a slim, kid-friendly 87 minutes. New Line Cinema was less than thrilled, and asked Kaye to work with Norton to assemble a version that was, you know, movie length. Kaye agreed, then proceeded to go freaking insane.
First, he apparently was so infuriated by the process that he punched his hand through a wall. Then, he began taking out full-page attack ads in Daily Variety and The Hollywood Reporter (with his own money) with quotes like John Lennon’s “I’ll scratch your back and you knife mine.” Then Kaye brought a priest, a rabbi and a Tibetan monk into the studio president’s office to ask for an extension to finish his cut of the film, a tactic he later admitted was “insane.” The studio flatly refused, telling Kaye that they were releasing the version that he and Norton had worked on together.
If you assumed that was the end of it, that’s because you’re probably not insane. Kaye, on the other hand, flew to the Toronto Film Festival to demand that the film not be premiered, bought more attack ads (in all, he spent about $1 million) and threatened to hire protesters to picket theaters where the movie was being shown.
He also asked to have his name taken off the film. However, the Director’s Guild only allows this practice if you agree not to badmouth your film in public, and since that ship had not only sailed but plowed into an iceberg and sunk with all hands on deck, Kaye was stuck having his name attached to American History X. You know, the film that was critically acclaimed, earned an Oscar nomination and appears on numerous “Best Movies of All Time” lists.
2. Dick Cheney’s wife writes erotic novel, tries to cover it up
You might remember Dick Cheney, former vice president and noted face-shooting enthusiast. You might even know that his wife, Lynne, is the author of more than a dozen books. Many of them are patriotic children’s books, aimed at teaching kids about their country and its government. But then there’s Sisters, a historical romance set in the Old West. Don’t feel bad if you’ve never heard of it — it was published in 1981 and had a fairly small print run, so there aren’t that many copies floating around.
But in 2004, with the presidential election looming, a publisher planned to reissue Sisters. That is, until Cheney’s lawyer reached out and convinced them not to, presumably through judicious use of the phrase “tactical air strike.” But why? Well, you may recall the Bush/Cheney administration being fairly conservative, a platform founded on old-fashioned values and more traditional relationships.
3. Virgil writes some of the greatest works of literature, asks friends to burn it
If you don’t remember the Aeneid from school, let’s just put it this way: It’s considered one of the greatest written works in humanity’s long history of writing things (it’s been taught and studied for two millenniums for a reason). The Aeneid originated way back in 29 B.C., a result of the poet Virgil setting out to pen an epic ode to the founding of Rome.
Now, Virgil was a meticulous craftsman. It took him 11 years to write the epic poem, and even then he thought it wasn’t good. So in 19 B.C., Virgil set out on a lengthy vacation in Greece and Asia to attempt to edit and salvage the poem, but fell ill almost immediately.
On his deathbed, he asked his friends to burn the insignificant little trifle he’d spent the last decade working on, the one that made the men cheer and the ladies swoon.
So what saved One of the Greatest Things Ever Written by Mankind from getting tossed into some burn barrel in an alley where bums would warm their hands over it? Politics.
Emperor Augustus had suggested the poem to Virgil in the first place, and parts of it implied that he was descended from Rome founder Aeneas, which would legitimize his reign. So when he learned of Virgil’s “Please make sure no one sees the incredible masterpiece I created” request, Augustus issued an imperial decree, ordering Virgil’s cohorts to finish editing the poem as best they could and publish it. And here we are, still talking about it, 20 centuries later.
4. Michelangelo feeds thousands of drawings to a bonfire
We’re all familiar with Michelangelo, the Italian artist whose painting, sculpting and nunchuck skills are the stuff of legend. Michelangelo was one the greatest artists of his time, completing two of his most famous sculptures (David and The Pieta) before he was 30 years old. He viewed painting as an inferior art form, yet still rocked the Sistine Chapel. Oh, and he made a lot of drawings. Like, tens of thousands of them.
Or about 600, judging by what we have left. Of course, you have to figure that not every single doodle he scribbled of St. Peter’s Basilica in perfect 1/1,000 scale would survive four and a half centuries, but even in his own time, Michelangelo’s talent was fully recognized — his drawings were considered priceless gifts to be treasured and protected. So why are so few of them still around? Well, it might have something to do with Michelangelo tossing reams of them into bonfires throughout his life.
What? Why? If his drawings were so highly regarded that he could have turned them into favors or some serious coin, why just toss them into the inferno?
The most likely explanation involves a weird form of vanity and public perception. In Michelangelo’s mind, true genius centered around the immediate, seemingly effortless creation of a work of art, whereas the actual sketching and design stages were elements to be ashamed of and kept hidden. You know the merits of hard work and proper planning and learning from your mistakes and all that jazz? Michelangelo worked hard for everything he did, yet he’d rather you remember him as a lazy, gifted man who just strolled into the Sistine Chapel one day, looked up, grabbed a few paintbrushes and a stepladder and went to town.
