Rundown rundowns

Speculation sells more copies (and airtime) than facts do

“There is no money to be made in the news business anymore.” It is something I’ve heard a lot of media executives say. “The people don’t want to hear bad news, which is all that we have to offer. This is why we must get creative, do something out-of-the-box,” they tell me, and all I can think is that this has to be the greatest justification for sensationalism ever offered by man.

Something’s gotta give. The news media has for too long dictated what viewers can and can’t watch. For the thinking man, any one hour spent watching the mind-numbing cycle of breaking news can cause irreparable brain damage. Those prone to seizures and epileptic fits are warned against venturing near a news channel between the hours of noon and 10PM. Peak time, as we like to call it.

If you have nothing better to do one day, just wake up one morning, turn on the TV and see it for yourself; the recipe is quite simple, really. Your average news day begins with a few desk-concocted stories: weather, water levels in reservoirs, traffic updates and the odd court story (because our legal practitioners wake up the earliest). This leads into most channels’ morning shows, which cannot and will not be interrupted by the blaring red of breaking news unless something really, really big happens. But the really, really big stories are often never covered, so expect to see some really red tickers about the Karachi Stock Exchange, the interest rate and the power shortfall around this time.

Most morning shows close in time for the noon bulletin, which is an amalgamation of stories that made the front pages of major newspapers, along with some human interest pieces, but not a lot of politicking. This is mostly because several politicians do not wake up in time to make the noon bulletins. These official press briefings and ‘emergency press conferences’ are usually scheduled between 1-5PM. This gives beat-reporters a chance to stretch their legs and have lunch or hi-tea, on the job. Any shows on at this time can expect to ‘return after this news update’, though many don’t.

After 7PM, primetime kicks in and two-penny talk show hosts rule the airwaves between then and 11PM, interrupted briefly by the 9PM khabarnama. This is the time where political careers are made, or broken. These are also the slots that compete for ratings directly with the highest rated soaps and TV series on alternative channels. Needless to say, the soaps are better produced, but the storylines our colleagues in the news business come up with are beyond peerless.

There is also a clear distinction between pre-9PM talk shows and post-9PM talk shows. The former are often venues for mindless psychobabble where the anchor has little or no control over the cocks that are fighting in the foreground. Gone are the days when TV show hosts were full of gravitas and charisma; they had screen presence and held the attention of the audience in the palms of their hands. Today’s mouthpieces are paid to show up, make a few token introductions and then allow the raging bulls to go at it. Many a time, there is little or no direction for any given show and the participants maneuver the conversation (if a shouting match can ever be called one) anywhichway they like.

Talk shows that follow the 9PM news are more soliloquy-based: those holding forth view themselves as evangelists or modern-day soothsayers. Their monologues are interspersed with small-talk, designed to give a viewer the impression that the host is, in fact, sitting in their living room talking to them directly. But the things they talk about are so far removed from the lives of the average audience member that most people have to ask someone, usually their parents (who watch these nighttime chat shows religiously) what the host is on about.

Our media is not unique. Around the world, TV channels and newspapers are locked in this game of oneupmanship: who will get the drop on whom. Everyone wants that one scoop, that one piece of exclusive footage, that elusive lead or that one document that will blow the lid on the greatest conspiracy ever. Unfortunately, these are very few and far between. Besides, speculation sells more copies (and airtime) than facts do. This is because facts can become stale, but speculation stays fresh as long as it’s kept in the refrigerator of short-term memory loss. This means that half-truths can be repackaged and pawned off on to the unsuspecting masses without much in the way of remorse. After all, there is always just a 50-50 chance of their information being correct. On the whole, those are better odds than we’ve ever had in cricket, so why complain?

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